My Mommy Break Has Been Ruined

I Used To Have A Sanctuary Inside My House But My Toddler Has Found Me.

My Mommy Break Has Been Ruined

Every woman has a sanctuary. The place she escapes to when life and husband and kids get to be too much. Which, lets get real, can be more than a couple times on some rather charming days. Mine isn’t the bedroom as you would imagine. Nope, I never get any peace and quiet in there. My husband and daughter can just open the door, walk right in, and destroy my moment of calm. That’s hardly a sanctuary – that’s more of a landmine situation which consists of me sitting on edge, just waiting for the door to open because inevitably, it will. That’s more anxiety provoking than the picture of serenity. To be absolutely candid (because is there really any other type), my actual sanctuary is the shower or the bathtub if I’m feeling particularly frazzled.

There’s literally no better place to escape to. The door is locked. You have some alone time to think or even better, not think at all. No one can disturb you for at least thirty minutes and even longer, if you say you’re washing your hair. The door is locked. There is seriously nothing better at helping me de-stress than some alone time in the shower. Did I mention the door is locked? My husband and daughter don’t even think to disturb me because obviously I’m not escaping them, I’m merely getting clean. That’s basically like a chore and not relaxing at all. Sometimes, I admit, this means I end up taking three showers a day but my mother always said cleanliness is next to godliness. And obviously, mothering can sometimes be dirty business.

Unfortunately, there has been a serious breach in my place of refuge. My husband thought it would be cute to one day pick open the lock while I was in the shower. I bet you can guess where this is going. My adorable but too clever for her own good daughter decided that out of all the talents she’d like to hone, this would be the one to really focus on. She is now a master at picking locks at two years of age. Sigh, I worry for the teenage years.

I’m literally lost now. I don’t know what to do. Anytime I try to pull one of my Houdini escapes by saying mommy has to go shower, she is guaranteed to be going at the lock about two minutes after I’ve entered the bathroom. Then the shower curtain opens to reveal her impish face looking up at me and smiling, quarter in hand. She couldn't be more proud of herself. So ridiculously cute. But. So. Not. Fair.

I’ve lost my sanctuary and it’s making me lose my sanity. There is absolutely no place I can go to in the house where my child cannot find me. So I’m sure you realize that there’s only one thing I can do. Pay back the favour to my darling husband. My daughter currently has no interest in his video games but just maybe and with the right encouragement, she might be cajoled into enjoying them. Especially on the days daddy really looks like he needs a playing partner – you know the days, the ones where you just want to unwind after a hard day’s work. After all, what’s more relaxing than a toddler, right? Who knows, my daughter might just enjoy video games with her daddy so much that she forgets about her mommy slipping away to the shower once in a while.


Surviving Shifted Ribs

How to Enjoy Your Time Being Bed-Ridden

Surviving Shifted Ribs

I have three shifted ribs (subluxated if you want the technical term). Not one, not two but THREE. That’s basically three times the pain. I’ve never had just one shifted rib before but I bet it would be three times less painful than right now. That’s my logical rationale at its best right there.

I’ve had a miserable cough for over three weeks and that combined with the baby kicking me ceaselessly means that I’m now bed ridden. Like unable to move or breathe without pain. Like I have to literally crawl to the bathroom. Good times, I tell you. The silver lining is that there’s a lot you realize when your ribs hurt and you’re lying in bed feeling sorry for yourself. Some of these awesome realizations include such gems as:

  • DO watch documentaries or reality television when you’re bed-ridden. These are usually mind-numbing and will hopefully lull you into a nice slumber. Sleep is your friend right now.
  • DO NOT watch comedies or tear jerkers when your ribs hurt. Laughing or crying is definitely not conducive to your condition.
  • DO NOT try to wash your hair. It’s just not going to happen and if you’re foolish enough to try, you will inevitably end up in fetal position in the tub trying not to drown as the shower continues to run. Not that I was foolish enough to try but that’s what I’ve heard.
  • DO shower quickly. The hot water will make your muscles spasm so try to be as fast as humanly possible. Faster than fast if you can.
  • DO eat foods that comfort you. You’re going to be as uncomfortable as you’ve ever been in your whole your life so you might as well enjoy some comforting food. Even if that means a cup of tea with toast when you’re pregnant and supposedly gluten-free. However, don’t let your nagging husband see if he’s anything like mine.
  • DO NOT try new foods that could potentially gross you out and make you gag. That gagging will make your ribs hurt more. Once again, not from personal experience but just from what I’ve heard. Seriously.
  • DO NOT try to read a book to your toddler, who will undoubtedly crawl onto you because that’s just what toddlers do. It’s cute and loveable when you’re feeling good but not so fun when you’re in pain.
  • DO read a fun and light hearted chick-lit book yourself. These books are good for more than just the beach and while I also love intellectually stimulating novels, sometimes you just need trashy fun.
  • DO online shop. This one’s a no-brainer when you’re unable to do much else and besides, it’s the only the best thing ever.
  • DO NOT try to Skype while looking and feeling your worst. It’s just not fun for anyone.

So there you have it. My well thought out and profound tips on how to survive a few days in bed when you really don’t want to be there but can’t do much about it. Hope these help you if you’re ever in the same boat as me—which is hopefully never because it just sucks.