I know you’re four now, baby girl.
That’s big.
That’s taller than my hip-bones big.
That’s going to school big.
That’s a little too big.
Bigger than I sometimes want you to be.
Because I can’t help but want to slow down time.
Pause those moments that make my heart skip a beat.
The way you still cuddle into my arms when you’re tired.
And then tell me that I’m squishing you in your sternest voice.
The way you run to me when you’re scared.
Fully entrusting in my ability to fix anything.
So utterly confident in my knack of kicking monster ass.
See, I really do want to see you grow . . .
But a part of me wants you to stay small, too.
Stay my baby just a little while longer.
Small enough to fit onto my lap.
Small enough to steal kisses from.
Small and young.
Young enough to want mommy and daddy and no one else.
Young enough to think we’re the whole entire world.
Just long enough to hold on to these memories you’re creating.
Memories that you don’t even realize mean something.
When I hear you singing yourself to sleep. The lyrics a sweet glimpse into your thoughts.
When you’re splashing around in the bath with your sister. The love so palpable and true.
Memories that are everything.
Moments that are fleeting.
But you’re a determined girl.
Determined to get bigger every day.
Each day, letting me know you’re that much closer to being really big.
Five, mommy.
Five is really super duper big.
Five like all the big kids, mommy.
But I’m still getting used to four, baby.
Still trying to figure out where the time went.
It just flew by so fast.
It’s still flying by so fast.
But I don’t think you hear my protests, though.
I think you think I’m joking.
And I sort of am.
Sort of, but not entirely.
I need you to just slow it down a little, baby.
Just a little, so I can catch up.
So that these years don’t go by so quickly.
So quickly that I can’t keep up.
So quickly for a mommy.
A mommy that that just wants to hold on tight.
But not for a big girl like you.
A big girl who is ready to fly.
Ready to test those wings and see how far you can go.
Ready to conquer your four-year-old world.
So absolutely, without a doubt, ready.
Just like you’re meant to be.
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