Only a handful of people know that I’m pregnant. My husband knows, of course. My mother, sister, two best friends, the in-laws and that’s it. I’m kind of dying to let other people know. Yes, because I’m excited and bursting with joy but there’s another reason, too. A dreadfully shameful reason that I’m loathe to admit out loud. But here goes nothing—I absolutely cannot wait for the pregnancy perks to kick in. There, I’ve said it and now you know.
So far, I’ve only been able to harangue my husband alone about how miserable I feel and God, I’d sure love a back rub. In the throes of morning sickness and a constant feeling of blah, this has been the saving grace. It’s not often that I get my husband to do things just for me. Granted, he’s good about his share of the housework and childcare but it’s rare that he’ll cater to my frivolous whims. You know, the kind that consist of wanting someone to bring me the laptop from upstairs because I’m downstairs and I just don’t want to get up. Really, how often does that happen for a mom?! Ummm, like never. We’re constantly getting things for our children, our spouses, and even our pets but very seldom get pampered in such a way. Well, it’s mommy’s turn now.
I undeniably without a doubt cannot wait till my big belly presents itself to the world and announces, ‘Guess what, suckers?! I’m with the pregnant lady here and you’re just going to have to be nice to her or else you’re going to look really very bad. Ha!’ It's like I’m about to get payback for all the crappy ways I’ve been feeling for the last three months. ‘See that spot for expectant mothers that’s sitting empty in this absurdly full parking lot? Yep, I think I’ll just go on over there to park nice and close. Careful now, you don’t want to be caught giving me a dirty look – after all, what would everyone think?’ I can’t lie to you—that’s exactly how it plays out in my head. Dreadful, I know, but utterly satisfying at the same time.
Another great bonus is it’s the only time you can gain weight without being judged. Go ahead and eat that doughnut while gently rubbing your glorious bump. Trust me, no one’s going to say a thing. After all, you’re eating for two now and you wouldn’t want to deprive a baby in the womb. How selfish would that be? And so what if you’re sporting more grays than a gloomy day. Everyone knows that pregnant women need to be careful about how often they dye their hair. It’s only logical that you’re being cautious. Running a few minutes late to meet up with friends? Oh, you just never mind that—how good of you to even go in your condition. Do I need to continue or are you seeing the trend here? I’m telling you, it’s only fair after what we’ve suffered in the first trimester. It's like having karma on speed dial.
It only lasts nine months or so—I say use that pregnancy card whenever and as often as you can. Trust me, you’ll be back to being an indentured servant soon enough. One day, you’ll wake up and that bump you're so used to will be gone. In its place will be a beautiful newborn baby, just smiling up at you and knowing deep in its heart that he or she has found the perfect whipping boy for life. Ahhhh, the joys of motherhood await but for now, rock that pregnancy.