Kids Say the Funniest (Truthful) Things

Children under five haven't yet had the truth socialized out of them

Kids Say the Funniest (Truthful) Things

One of the most delicious things about kids under six is that they haven't yet had the truth socialized out of them. As a result they say it as they see it and feel it.

As a grandmother of four I've been the butt of many of these observations. They made me laugh but they also made me reflect on what had been said.

Even though three of my four grandkiddies have already learned to observe but not always say  it, there is still one little three year old family maverick who speaks 'the truth.' Just last week I took her and her older sister to see Santa downtown. Waiting for the subway I insisted she hold my hand. She complied with lots of fuss, then leaned over to her sister and said, 'Grandma is very mean.' I smiled to myself and thought, she's afraid to mess directly with me but she slyly reported to her sister in a voice loud enough for me to hear. Smart kid!

Here are a few other truth telling episodes I've been the victim of over the years. Funny, they made enough of an impression on me that even with the passage of time, I haven't forgotten them.

Truth #1
Little grandson loved to play with my very long hair. He'd pat it and smooth it and run his fingers through it. Then braids became fashionable and I wore my hair in that style even for the fanciest events. I guess the little guy became frustrated with me because our conversation went like this...
Grandson: I don't like your hair like that.
Me: Why not, sweetheart?
Grandson: Because it makes you look like a horse.
Bang. Smack. Touche! I never ever braided my hair again without wondering if I really looked like a horse and no one else was willing to tell me.
Truth #2
The whole family was having lunch together on Mother's Day. To start the conversation about three generations being present, I announced to everyone, 'You know, I am the oldest mom at this table.' And little granddaughter shouted back with glee: 'I know. You're old and you're going to die soon.'
Bang. Smack. Reality Check!
Truth #3
During a sleepover my little granddaughter wandered into my bedroom as I was getting dressed. I suppose my undies were not as abbreviated as her mom's. She stared long and hard at me and then announced, 'I see your boobs and I see your diaper.'
Bang. Smack. Mortification! 
Truth #4
A few weeks ago the three year old maverick spent the day with me.
Grandma: It's time for your nap.
Maverick: Grandma, you smell like eggs.
Bang. Smack. Go figure!
Here's a question for you, dear readers. Kids really do say the funniest (truthful) things. What have you heard to make you laugh (and think)? C'mon, spill it!

One Timer + One Popsicle = Great Kids Photos

A photographer outsmarts a granddaughter

One Timer + One Popsicle = Great Kids Photos

The youngest of my grandchildren won't sit still for photographs. She's absolutely adorable, she refuses to put her hair in a pony tale, and her idea of a photograph-able face is a comic grimace.

She's up; she's down. She's like quicksilver in constant motion. As hard as I try I never get anything close to a recognizable and presentable portrait of what she really looks like. Please see Exhibit #1

After many, many failures I devised a grandmotherly plan that, while quite devious, was a win-win situation for both of us. Last week I enticed her with two things she cannot resist. A timer and a popsicle. Heh, heh, heh.... Exhibit #2

After her lunch of Mac and Cheese I explained that she was going to have a red popsicle for dessert but we had to wait for five minutes so she wouldn't be too full to eat it. We set the timer for her to count off the minutes. I also explained that we'd need to put her hair in a ponytail JUST while she ate her popsicle so her hair wouldn't get messy. Heh, heh, heh... (Yes, grandmothers do lie to their grandkiddies). 

I give that little girl enormous credit because she waited the full five minutes which is hard for any little girl to do. Her mom was amazed! See: Exhibits #4, 5, 6

And then, the timer rang and victory was hers. Grandma rushed to the freezer and presented her with her popsicle. Exhibit #7

Here are my three favorite shots of my little granddaughter, her hair (almost) in a ponytail, her face completely relaxed and in popsicle heaven. Exhibit #8, 9, 10.

One sweet child + one timer + one popsicle = some great photos and wonderful memories. I rest my case.



Help! I'm Captive in a Movie Theatre

I'm angry and not going to take it anymore!

Help! I'm Captive in a Movie Theatre

Something you might not know about me: I was 45 when I went back to school to get my Bachelor of Arts with a major in Film and Communication. I studied script writing, editing, film history, and film analysis. For five glorious years I lived and breathed movies and loved it. 

In 1989 I accepted an internship with a production company filming in North America and the Middle East. I went from being a messenger on set to the company's production coordinator. My name is in the movie's credits and I absolutely adored the experience.

During the Nineties, my appreciation of film magically meshed with my love of travel. This led to attendance at film festivals in Israel, Rotterdam, Montreal, Edinburgh, Creteil, Paris, and back home to Toronto. I helped to organize a Festival of Canadian Womens' films in Jerusalem and for two years in a row I rented the flat of the box office manager of the Edinburgh Film Festival while attending the festival there.
Back then I lived the part. I had very big, curly hair, big sunglasses, dressed in glitzy clothes and was invited to lots of 'cinema industry' parties.
Fast forward to today. My hair is now straight, I never wear sunglasses and am seldom invited to any parties at all. However, I still absolutely adore going to the movies—Indie films, documentaries, foreign films and even Hollywood films. You name them, they give me joy. 
I love the ritual of choosing my flick and buying my ticket along with my big bag of popcorn. I head for my favorite seat in the house (the last row smack in the middle) and I settle in anticipating the film I've so carefully chosen. 
And then ... the dreaded onslaught begins! Commercials about cars, music videos, phone plans, products, products and more products all delivered in decibels so loud that I have to cover my ears. And, to add insult to injury, the things being touted are of absolutely no interest to my demographic. I no longer drive fast cars on winding mountain roads, the music videos are the ones my grandchildren enjoy and I don't need a new phone plan to text my pals to meet me at clubs. I counted 10 of these horridly loud meaningless messages the last time I went to the movies.
For me, the lovely mood of anticipating the film has now been shattered. Instead my senses are being assaulted in the worst possible way and there seems no escape. 
In my head I'm shouting, 'Wake up movie industry moguls. My Boomer pals and I hate being held captive in your theaters. I'm paying you to see a movie. I'm not paying you to screen loud commercials that someone else is paying you to screen.' 
Surely there are others in the audience who feel exactly as I do. Let's not all be obedient little lambs being held captive in advertisement hell.  I invite both young and older movie lovers to  join me in rhythmic clapping when these pre-show ads appear on the screen. Hoot and holler if you like but make your displeasure known.
Let's show them we're angry and we're not going to take it anymore!