Week #14 of the Six Month Sex Challenge:
To end the all-about-my husband-sexpalooza I decided to give him a little porn treat. Pirates 2: Stagnetti’s Revenge, is a porn spoof of the movie Pirates of the Caribbean. It’s a four disk 'collectors' set and has received a lot of positive hype.
Oh Those Crazy University Days
When I was in university, my male roommate published a swinger magazine (...in Saskatchewan...oh those crazy Yorkton couples). Part of his magazine’s editorial was reviewing porn; so there was always a porn movie on at the house.
Once I came home to find two naked women wrestling in vegetable oil on my kitchen floor who were being photographed for the mag’s cover shot. All I could say to my roommate was, “I hope you’re going to clean this up!” That time in my life seems so surreal now.
Watching that much porn then and during graduate school makes me rather ho-hum about it. Viewing a porn with my husband hasn’t been that exciting (for him) because instead of me getting all hot and bothered, I’m too busy commenting on other things—like lighting quality, set construction and whether actors are wearing condoms.
Porn…What a Touchy Topic With Women
Feminists (loudly) proclaim that porn degrades women and uses them as objects only for the pleasure of men. Too many women automatically give a thumbs-down to watching a porn flick without trying it out for themselves.
What Do Women Porn Actors Think?
While attending graduate school, some of my classmates were former porn actors. I’ve also spoken at sex trade shows and have met my share of porn leading ladies (and men). Every single one of these women in no way feel exploited. They, in fact, think they are the true feminist because they are able to express their sexuality as they want and aren’t suppressed by society’s narrow definition of what is appropriate sexual conduct.
The Pros and Cons of Porn
Admittedly, there are some not so great things about porn that the media tends to obsess about. Yes, porn—especially internet porn—can have detrimental effects for males who show obsessive compulsive tendencies. Yes, there is some hardcore stuff out there. Yes, porn tends to be male-centric.
However, there are also a lot of good things to be said about porn. And for the majority of the population, a little soft porn can add spice and fun to your sex life. More and more, porn producers have come to see there is a solid market of women who like to watch porn.
So, perhaps it’s time to try porn. If you try it and don’t like it, fine. But at least give it a few, heartfelt, tries. You might be surprised that it turns into a fun once-in-a-while treat for you and your partner.
My Rating on Pirate II
With all the hype surrounding Pirates II, I was disappointed. On the positive side, it’s the best ‘movie’ porn I’ve seen—the acting is so-so, but come on it’s a porn flick. There’s a strong story line, drama and some pretty funny one-liners. But when it got into the sex scenes, I must confess it wasn’t my cup of tea. The sex was too edgy, very male-centric. Sigh. I really wanted to recommend a good porn for women to watch but this wouldn’t be it.
My Husband’s Rating on Pirate II
Two ratings again this week. 7.5/ 10 for it being a “movie with sex scenes” with great special effects. 5/10 for the sex scenes. He felt it was “jack rabbit sex” and the actors were way over the top enthusiastic during sex. He much prefers porn where there is a connection between the actors and the sex is more sensual. (Ya’ see ladies, guys aren’t automatically turned-on by big breasted, skinny-arsed naked women having sex on a screen.)
More Six Month Sex Challenge
Praise His Penis
I Went Shopping for Underwear...With My Two Toddlers
My Sexual Needs Versus The Football Game
(My Six Month Sex Challenge blog series was originally published in 2009. I'm happy to report now that my kids are 3 and 5 years old, my sex life is back on track!)
Week #13 Six Month Sex Challenge
What is Intimacy?
Too often people assume that the word ‘intimacy’ has to do solely with sex: saying things like, “Let’s get intimate tonight.” When I appear on some TV shows, the producers ask me to substitute the word ‘intimacy’ for ‘sex’ to make the segment ‘kid friendly’.
Intimacy is in fact a deeply shared connection to another human being. Sex just happens to be an easy segue to get to intimacy. We have intimate moments all the time with people who we are closest to: children, parents, friends, spouse.
Intimacy With My Baby
Mother Nature made sure moms are hardwired to ensure their newborn is safe, healthy, happy and well adjusted. As such, a woman’s entire physiology and brain chemistry changes once giving birth. Add to this the time and attention women invest into the mommy/ child(ren) relationship, it’s really a no-brainer why they experience profound intimacy with their child(ren).
There have been many moments—when I’m not tearing my hair out—where I feel an absolute soul quenching connection to my children. It’s an incredibly potent hit of feel-good hormones.
As I’m getting my fill of intimacy from interactions with my children, my husband, meanwhile, sits in the wings waiting for me to throw him an intimacy bone. It’s not that I don’t want to share intimate experiences with my husband or that I don’t feel I have the capacity to take in any more of these wonderful feelings. Plain and simple: I’m already intimately satiated.
But I Want to Stay Happily Married
Happily being the key word here. It’s incredibly important to have at least a few pockets of well remembered intimacy with my husband. Yet between being screaming busy and bone retching exhaustion, trying to have couple intimate moments is both fickle and tricky.
That’s Where Embrace Comes In
I L-O-V-E the Embrace board game (*see product description below). When I do lectures I schlep big boxes (ugh!) of this board game to sell because I believe so strongly that it can help a couple to achieve a deeper level of intimacy.
I’m really glad that we get to play Embrace because we need to nurture each other.
My Rating on Embrace
My husband, who must categorically follow the rules, read out the instructions which were all about ‘setting the mood’ with soft music, candles, wine. Lovely, lovely rules.
I watched as he went about following the instructions and, among other things, he put on Diana Krall. Gosh, I haven’t listened to her since my first son was born and was immediately lulled into a dreamy state. We decided to go with the “Lovey Dovey” (first level) because I wanted to create romance and intimacy.
It was really, really fun and worthwhile. Highlights include: him doing a striptease (laughed my arse off), a slow dance, and being blind folded while a feather tickler was traced all over my body. Heavenly.
I can’t say enough good things about Embrace. Every couple should have it in their toy chest.
My Husband’s Rating on Embrace
8.5/10 for creating romance. He loves how it is a balanced mix of: helping couples talk; doing fun activities; and trying new ideas. His favorite part was remembering some great times we’ve shared together.
Embrace board game
* Embrace is a sensually stimulating board game for lovers. Players move throughout the board revealing sexually intimate thoughts and feelings, and performing erotic challenges with one another. The game can be played on three different levels: Romantic (Lovey Dovey), Sexual Intimacy (Close Encounters), and/or Hot Sex (Sexstacy). Sue Johanson, host of "The Sunday Night Sex Show" and "Talk Sex With Sue" put Embrace in her Pleasure Chest (the highest rating for sex toys) and said "playing the game encourages you to reveal those innermost thoughts. Thoughts you’ve maybe been wanting to share, but were nervous or shy about telling your partner. And you’re given erotic challenges, like ‘blindfold your partner and lick them all over’. I liked the game. I think it could help deepen a couple’s intimacy—and that’s always desirable."
More Six Month Sex Challenge
Praise His Penis
I Went Shopping for Underwear...With My Two Toddlers
My Sexual Needs Versus The Football Game
(My Six Month Sex Challenge blog series was originally published in 2009. I'm happy to report now that my kids are 3 and 5 years old, my sex life is back on track!)
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