Praise His Penis

Thank goodness we tried the Tenga Flip...I needed the laugh.

Praise His Penis

Week #12 Six Month Sex Challenge

Yet Another Chaotic Week…
Had my parents visiting this week, plus a VERY busy work week for me—and my newborn is teething, etc., etc., etc. All I can say is after this flat-out crazy week, thank goodness we tried the Tenga Flip—I needed the laugh.

The Parent Libido Dampener Effect
Had to wait until my parents left before I could have sex. Nothing zaps my amorous mood faster than my parent’s sleeping in the bedroom directly below me. Yes I’m grown up and married but I still feel like I’m 16 years old sneaking around. This is topped only by my mother-in-law’s guest bedroom where there is a picture of the Virgin Mary, hands clasped in prayer, serenely looked down at us. Even a sex expert has her limits.

Dr. Brian’s Penis Advice
Before we get into the Tenga Flip, I wanted to share a wonderful Dr. Brian Parker's tip you can use to brighten your man’s day:

“Praise his penis.” Men love, love, love it when you tell them just how wonderful their penis looks. May seem silly to some women—at least it did to me when Brian first told me—but it’s 110% accurate.

Try it. You will be pleasantly surprise at how your man walks around like a prize peacock for the rest of the day.

My Masturbating Pet Peeve
I’ve met countless women who aren’t that interested in sex after baby. That’s perfectly fine; it can take up to a year before her hormones readjust themselves. But these same women get their panties in a complete twist if their husbands take care of his own needs in the interim.

Come on! Please don’t become the woman who says, “If I’m not going to enjoy sex than neither can you.” Him masturbating does not mean he doesn’t love you, or find you attractive, or is ‘cheating.' Masturbating is healthy and natural and men should never be made to feel wrong about it.

In fact, experts report that about 94% of adult men masturbate regularly. So it you want to help your guy out, there are toys on the market that will produce some extremely powerful orgasms.

That’s where the Tenga Flip comes in (*see product description below). It’s a funny looking device. Had to call Dr. Brian to find out how it all worked. After a brief tutorial was really jazzed about trying it out.

How Did I Enjoy Tenga Flip
It was incredibly cute. Knowing he was in for a surprise my husband casually said, “Let me know if I should cancel my hockey game tonight.” Cancel hockey??!?! Him playing hockey (four times a week) is sacrosanct. He must have been really excited about his surprise. His enthusiasm made me want to make it an even more special time.

When it came time to use the Tenga Flip…it didn’t quite work out.

In my defense it looks like a traffic light. As soon as I ‘put it on’ I started to giggle at the sight (I’ll let you come up with your own visual). Then I started pushing the three different buttons and the vacuum effect (which is a fantastic feature) started making all sorts of squelching noises. Sort of like really loud slurping. The giggles turned into full on laughter.

Needless to say, my husband found it really hard to get into the mood with me laughing my head off. So we went to plan “B” and had regular sex which was really quite fun.

Will leave the Tenga Flip for him to use on his own because it is a great male toy.

Husband’s Rating on Tenga Flip
He gives two ratings: 7.5/ 10 for a single male masturbation toy. He loves how it is engineered and how the inside feels incredibly realistic. He likes how it is easy to use and clean. 5/10 for using as a couple’s toy (to be fair, maybe next time I won't be laughing so hard and it could be something we could use together.)

* Tenga Flip The world's premier male sex toy. Every inch of this high-end Japanese sleeve has been designed to give a male the most intense physical pleasure possible. Engineered with the likes of side ribs, quattro waves, lip flaps, and 3 buttons which control the pressure on different parts of the penis, this toy is sure to please. The case opens up and doubles as a drying rack so it is easy to clean and stays hygienic.

More Six Month Sex Challenge
I Went Shopping for Underwear...With My Two Toddlers
Hot Oil Massage? Yes Please!
My Sexual Needs Versus The Football Game

(My Six Month Sex Challenge blog series was originally published in 2009. I'm happy to report now that my kids are 3 and 5 years old, my sex life is back on track!)

Tenga Flip image source


It's an All-About-My-Husband Sexapalooza

For being such a great husband, I decided to treat him to three weeks of all-about-him sexy fun

It's an All-About-My-Husband Sexapalooza

Week #11 Six Month Sex Challenge

For being such a great husband, I decided to treat him to three weeks of sexy fun. It’s an all-about-him sexapalooza.

I needed a male perspective on what men would like, so I naturally called on my friend and Sexologist, Dr. Brian Parker, owner of an on-line high-end sex toy company. Dr. Brian is a tireless advocate who educates people on healthy sexual products. He has a ton of F-R-E-E information on his website to help you make educated purchases.

Here’s Dr. Brian’s three picks for us to try:
Duet Cock Ring
 Surprise for my hubby (which I’ll reveal next week because my husband reads this blog and I don’t want to giveaway his big surprise.) And all I can say to my hubby is—“Oh la la…just you wait!”
 Embrace board game

Decided to try the Duet Cock Ring first. I find the term “cock ring” really bugs me—almost put me off the idea entirely. Maybe it’s because I’m a gal and I want sexual terminology to be more romantic. But, alas, cock ring is a perfect descriptor of what the device is.

What’s a Cock Ring?
A cock ring is a ring that is placed around the base of a man's penis, primarily to slow the flow of blood from the erect penile tissue, thus maintaining erection for a longer period of time. (I could have put a photo here of an erect penis with a cock ring at its base…but somehow I’m not sure how it would go over…)

Men love anything that makes their penis look good.

As well, it decreases male sensitivity so he will last a little longer. When you have a vibrating cock ring, like the Duet, his penis becomes like a human vibrator which ups the fun for both parties.

The Duet Cock Ring Has the Couple’s Pleasure in Mind
Made of incredibly stretchy elastomer with vibrating bullets on the top and bottom for his and her fun. The top vibe stimulates the penis and clitoris, while the bottom vibe stimulates his balls and her perineum. This smart toy can be used with constant vibration or on a touch-sensitive setting where it only vibrates when pressing against the clitoris.

How Was the Duet?
I liked how the Duet stimulated my clit, but surprisingly, more so I really enjoyed the vibrations on the perineum. It was almost like I bumped into a long lost friend and said, “Hey, I forgot you existed perineum and you feel really nice. Must try to include you a lot more often during sex.”

Husband’s Rating on the Duet
He gave it a 7.5/ 10. He really like that it made me happy. He also liked how it’s engineered with an on/off option or a touch-sensitive option. However, the elastomer was a bit too stretchy for him—he prefers a snugger-fitting cock ring.

More Six Month Sex Challenge
I Went Shopping for Underwear...With My Two Toddlers
Hot Oil Massage? Yes Please!
My Sexual Needs Versus The Football Game

(My Six Month Sex Challenge blog series was originally published in 2009. I'm happy to report now that my kids are 3 and 5 years old, my sex life is back on track!)


I Went Underwear Shopping...With My Two Toddlers

I thought buying a cute bra and panty set would help me feel sexy again. It did just the opposite.

I Went Underwear Shopping...With My Two Toddlers

Week #10—Six Month Sex Challenge

Ode to my Lingerie Draw
Since university—while living on spaghetti and adrenaline—I’ve always had a drawer full of beautiful, expensive lingerie. It cusped on obsession. And this was before the Victoria Secret took the world by storm.

In my twenties, I swore up, down and sideways that unless it had to do with period-panties, I would NEVER under any conditions, ever, wear cotton undies.

I would hand wash the underwear, place it gently on a line to dry, fold it precisely and set it lovingly in the drawer. There were always lavender bags scattered throughout to give a lovely fresh scent. It felt delicious every time I opened the draw.

When I first got married it was incredibly fun to parade out the bra and panty sets. Sometimes in the morning I would ask my husband, “Which set would you like to see on me tonight?” Knowing he would go to work and daydream about the underwear.

And Then I Got Pregnant
Then I got pregnant with our first child. The little wisps of lace panties quickly stopped fitting properly. I’m too pragmatic to buy expensive maternity lacy underwear to keep up with my temporarily expanding body, so I bought a ten pack of cotton pregnancy underwear.

After my son was born, even though I went back to my original weight my body shape had changed. Most notably, my already tiny breasts became saggy-raisins (ugh!) and most of my beautiful bras no longer fit. Slowly and with much angst, I started to toss them in the garbage. I started buying more cotton underwear because it was more convenient to wash and wear with a little baby.

Since baby number two, my once pristine underwear drawer is now a dumping place. No gentle wash. No precise folding. No scented satchels. I take the underwear straight from the laundry hamper and dump it into the drawer. Every time I open the draw my guts clench because it’s such a mess.

Can the Underwear Drawer be a Metaphor?
Not to read too much into this, but I would say the underwear drawer is a perfect metaphor for how I feel about myself and my body sexually. I used to take care of myself and take pride in my appearance. Now feel I’m doing well by not walking out the door in a ratty pair of sweatpants.

Buying Underwear Should Be a Fun Experience
I bit the bullet and went shopping for the underwear…with my two children. Bad idea. Very bad idea indeed. As my toddler lunged at each and every bra rack grabbing things off and throwing them onto the floor, I didn’t really have a chance to get a good look. Instead I grabbed something that looked my size.

Got Home and Looked in the Mirror…
Got home and tried it on. It was difficult looking at myself in the mirror. At first I thought it was because I’m still a few pounds over my normal weight and look marshmallow soft.

But I realized while trying on the bra—while simultaneously picking crusty snot off my breast from where my newborn was breastfeeding, and listening as my toddler excitedly pointed out, “There’s mummy’s vulva!”—that I’ve got a weird asexual mommy vibe happening.

In the end…
The bra didn’t fit well and the panties were too tight and scratchy—or maybe the panties did fit well but I’m now used to how cotton panties stretch.

So this week’s challenge was almost a bust. I did clean up my underwear drawer and it felt good to open it and not see mess. Maybe this is the first step in the slow process of feeling sexual again.

My Husband’s Rating on the Underwear
I was so discouraged while trying on the underwear that I haphazardly tossed it into a nearby laundry basket (and promptly forgot about it). My husband, naturally, found it. He came and happily asked, “Did you do that on purpose? Just so I could find it ‘by accident.’” Men! Never did end up doing a fashion show for my husband. Too insecure.

More Six Month Sex Challenge
Sex in the Middle of Post Partum Depression
Hot Oil Massage? Yes Please!
My Sexual Needs Versus The Football Game