Dr. Trina Read: Beyond the Bedroom


Dinner Date with a Side of Awkward Conversation

Talking about sex is incredibly important; but talking about sex is awkward and can put a couple off of sex.

Week #17—Six Month Sex Challenge:

If I Had a Nickel…
If I had a nickel for every time I’ve said, “Great sex starts with great communication,” well, I’d be retired to the Bahamas by now.

Most couples know this to be true. I believe most couples do want to have an open, honest and transparent communication with their partner. However, proactive communication is tricky at the best of times; over the long haul, it gets muddled with couple shorthand, ego land mines and eyes glazing over when certain topics are brought up.

Communicating effectively doesn’t have to be difficult; it just takes both people committed to making it work. The problem usually lies with how to start the process.

A Private Affair Game
I came across this game called A Private Affair and thought it might be one way for couples to start communicating about their sex life.

The instructions say, “Although you can play this game at home, or almost anywhere, we recommend that you first take the game with you for a dinner date.”

Dinner date?!? Like a date night? Gosh, that’s something my husband and I haven’t done for probably a year. So I asked my mom to take care of the kids. Showered and dressed in my few grown up clothes—which are so incredibly out of fashion that wearing a paper bag would (almost) be more in style. Drove to my favorite restaurant where I met my husband (he pulled my chair out for me…I just about fell over with confusion.)

So far, so good. Next set of instructions. “It’s best to play the game slowly, throughout an entire meal; (main course and dessert!) So, after your food has been ordered, discreetly place a small pile of cards face down on the table where both of you can reach them.

Putting the cards and notepad on the table wasn’t as awkward as I thought it might be. Asking the questions, though, was a mixed bag.

Each card gives a thought provoking question which is a double edged sword, as you really have to think about your answers. This is good because it makes you think about your partner and your relationship. Yet, for each and every question: my husband and I started with raised eyebrows as we read our card; an exhalation of air as we thought; and a confused, “I’m not sure how to answer this…”

Granted, neither of us come up with a snappy response at the best of times; add to this my constant low level hum of exhaustion and even making sense of some of the question was a bit tough.

One question sparked some good conversation; the others questions, not so much.

My Thoughts on A Private Affair
Loved, loved, loved that we had an excuse to go out for a date night. Really a lot of fun and much needed.

If you are a couple who is having a difficult time talking about sex, this could be a good game for you. Suggestion: You can pick a card every day, think about it and then bring it up with your partner later on.

This game won’t make you horny for sex; yet it will enable you to get more comfortable talking about sex…which, after a bit of practice, will definitely help in all areas of your sex life. The effort will be incredibly beneficial to your long term sex.

My Husband’s thoughts on A Private Affair
He gives it a 6/10. He feels the cards create a contrived conversation that create a lot of awkward moments. He also feels that the more he played the game, the less sexual he felt. He believes that much talking is far more appealing to a woman than it is to a man. (Which got my hackles up but he has a point—women, generally, like to talk; men tend to show their emotions in a more physical way.)

More Six Month Sex Challenge
Sex in the Shower
Spicing Things Up with a Little Porn
Praise His Penis

(My Six Month Sex Challenge blog series was originally published in 2009. I'm happy to report now that my kids are 3 and 5 years old, my sex life is back on track!)