Dr. Trina Read: Beyond the Bedroom


New Mom = No Sex Drive

New moms probably aren’t suffering from low libido. Responsibility is the culprit that zaps your sex drive.

Week #15 of the Six Month Sex Challenge

Where Did My Sex Drive Go…I’ll Tell Ya
Every single piece of my clothing is covered in snot, spit up and drool. My two kids are sick this week which means neither are sleeping at night and both have diarrhea. (I’m sick too but that’s irrelevant.) The last time I got four hours of straight sleep was three years ago.

Throughout my day, I’m simultaneously trying to meet work deadlines and keep my toddler from clobbering my 5-month-old. Doing a thousand mind numbing tiny chores that once accomplished, need to be done again the next day. Even though I’m back to my regular weight, I can barely look at myself naked in the mirror.

At night my husband and I sit at the dinner table, trying to make conversation—and sometimes we do—but mostly we’re too busy accommodating the children’s demand for attention. There’s always someone screaming, barking (my dogs), crying, fussing, or needing to be breastfed.

Finding time to have sex, some weeks, is the act of sorting out an intricate puzzle of four people’s diverse itineraries. My husband said to me this morning, “I wonder if Tiger Woods understood how difficult it is to have sex with two little kids. Maybe that’s why he cheated.” Nice!?!?

The thing is, this week is the norm and not the exception.

Is There a Magic Sex Pill?
It makes sense then that many new moms feel they have a low libido and search for a ‘magic pill’ to help get them feeling sexual and sexy. In fact, every year millions of women spend billions of dollars on spurious libido enhancement pills, creams and other unproven treatments.

If you’re a new mom two things:
(1)    You, most likely, aren’t suffering from a low libido, rather an overload of everything else. I believe it’s impossible to feel sexy and sexual when you have too much responsibility. And I personally think it's wrong that moms (and dads) feel pressure to have mind blowing sex (or any kind of sex for that matter) on a regular basis. Something has to give in these hectic situations.
(2)    To date there is nothing on the market that has been FDA approved that will help a woman to feel sexual.

After seeing bogus libido product after bogus libido product on the market, I got a press release for Zestra (*see product description below). After looking at their website I thought, “What the heck, I’ll give it a go. See if it really does get my girly-parts all perky and ready for sex.”

My thoughts on Zestra
Zestra was tough to review. On the plus side, the “Essential Arousal Oils” are all natural (i.e. Primrose Oil, etc.) unlike some similar products on the market. It did produce a lovely warm and tingly effect that lasted for 45 minutes. However, it didn’t help to get me more in the mood; nor did it make it easier to achieve a clitoral or vaginal orgasm (as its advertising alludes). I like the product and it's important to have realistic expectations about what it can do for your sex life.

Verdict: It’s a nice product that can give your vulva a happy little ‘pick-me-up’ boost. And sometimes in a hectic day, that’s a good thing. I definitely want to try this product again when the kids are older and life is less hectic. Think it could be a fun ‘getting me in the mood’ pre-sex ritual.

My Husband’s thoughts on Zestra
There really wasn’t anything for him to say about the product. He apparently didn’t feel the same warm, tingly sensation even though there skin-to-skin contact.

More Six Month Sex Challenge
Spicing Things Up with a Little Porn
Praise His Penis
My Sexual Needs Versus The Football Game

(My Six Month Sex Challenge blog series was originally published in 2009. I'm happy to report now that my kids are 3 and 5 years old, my sex life is back on track!)

* Zestra is a safe, patented blend of botanicals oils and extracts, created to help women feel more—effortlessly. Topically applied Zestra works within minutes by heightening your sensitivity to touch–for deep, pleasurable sensations, sexual satisfaction and fulfillment. After applying Zestra to the clitoris and labia, the effects–the Zestra Rush™–begin for most women within 3 to 5 minutes and last for up to 45 minutes.