Week #13 Six Month Sex Challenge
What is Intimacy?
Too often people assume that the word ‘intimacy’ has to do solely with sex: saying things like, “Let’s get intimate tonight.” When I appear on some TV shows, the producers ask me to substitute the word ‘intimacy’ for ‘sex’ to make the segment ‘kid friendly’.
Intimacy is in fact a deeply shared connection to another human being. Sex just happens to be an easy segue to get to intimacy. We have intimate moments all the time with people who we are closest to: children, parents, friends, spouse.
Intimacy With My Baby
Mother Nature made sure moms are hardwired to ensure their newborn is safe, healthy, happy and well adjusted. As such, a woman’s entire physiology and brain chemistry changes once giving birth. Add to this the time and attention women invest into the mommy/ child(ren) relationship, it’s really a no-brainer why they experience profound intimacy with their child(ren).
There have been many moments—when I’m not tearing my hair out—where I feel an absolute soul quenching connection to my children. It’s an incredibly potent hit of feel-good hormones.
As I’m getting my fill of intimacy from interactions with my children, my husband, meanwhile, sits in the wings waiting for me to throw him an intimacy bone. It’s not that I don’t want to share intimate experiences with my husband or that I don’t feel I have the capacity to take in any more of these wonderful feelings. Plain and simple: I’m already intimately satiated.
But I Want to Stay Happily Married
Happily being the key word here. It’s incredibly important to have at least a few pockets of well remembered intimacy with my husband. Yet between being screaming busy and bone retching exhaustion, trying to have couple intimate moments is both fickle and tricky.
That’s Where Embrace Comes In
I L-O-V-E the Embrace board game (*see product description below). When I do lectures I schlep big boxes (ugh!) of this board game to sell because I believe so strongly that it can help a couple to achieve a deeper level of intimacy.
I’m really glad that we get to play Embrace because we need to nurture each other.
My Rating on Embrace
My husband, who must categorically follow the rules, read out the instructions which were all about ‘setting the mood’ with soft music, candles, wine. Lovely, lovely rules.
I watched as he went about following the instructions and, among other things, he put on Diana Krall. Gosh, I haven’t listened to her since my first son was born and was immediately lulled into a dreamy state. We decided to go with the “Lovey Dovey” (first level) because I wanted to create romance and intimacy.
It was really, really fun and worthwhile. Highlights include: him doing a striptease (laughed my arse off), a slow dance, and being blind folded while a feather tickler was traced all over my body. Heavenly.
I can’t say enough good things about Embrace. Every couple should have it in their toy chest.
My Husband’s Rating on Embrace
8.5/10 for creating romance. He loves how it is a balanced mix of: helping couples talk; doing fun activities; and trying new ideas. His favorite part was remembering some great times we’ve shared together.
Embrace board game
* Embrace is a sensually stimulating board game for lovers. Players move throughout the board revealing sexually intimate thoughts and feelings, and performing erotic challenges with one another. The game can be played on three different levels: Romantic (Lovey Dovey), Sexual Intimacy (Close Encounters), and/or Hot Sex (Sexstacy). Sue Johanson, host of "The Sunday Night Sex Show" and "Talk Sex With Sue" put Embrace in her Pleasure Chest (the highest rating for sex toys) and said "playing the game encourages you to reveal those innermost thoughts. Thoughts you’ve maybe been wanting to share, but were nervous or shy about telling your partner. And you’re given erotic challenges, like ‘blindfold your partner and lick them all over’. I liked the game. I think it could help deepen a couple’s intimacy—and that’s always desirable."
More Six Month Sex Challenge
Praise His Penis
I Went Shopping for Underwear...With My Two Toddlers
My Sexual Needs Versus The Football Game
(My Six Month Sex Challenge blog series was originally published in 2009. I'm happy to report now that my kids are 3 and 5 years old, my sex life is back on track!)