Dr. Trina Read: Beyond the Bedroom


What the *!?*!? was I Thinking Trying to Have Sex?

Stretched too thin, grumpy and I'm still supposed to feel like getting my jiggy on? Not likely.

(Note: I wrote this post during the holiday season so sorry for any confusion when you start reading about Christmas.)

Three years after writing this blog series here's my sex expert perspective: One lesson I have to keep relearning is if I try to do too much, I won't feel like having sex. I believe this is true for many women. For all those husbands reading wondering how to help their partner feel like having sex especially after baby here's the 411: assist her with daily tasks and/ or encourage her to take on a little less. It's a simple solution that rarely get's put into action.

What I learned last week: Oral sex to the rescue. I had a hernia and couldn't have intercourse and I was able to indulge my husband which was a great way to show him some love and affection.

What the !?*!?&? was I Thinking Trying to Have Sex this Week?

Okay, I’ll admit it. I bit off way more than I could chew preparing for Christmas. Honestly, I thought baking 30 dozen cookies, shopping, mailing cards, potty training, working on my book and taking care of my kids—in a seven day period—wouldn’t be such a big deal. Yet here I am at the end of the week stretched way too thin and stressed out.

Not surprisingly, I was snappy with my husband for most of this week. And he in turn was snappy with me. Why do people call this the “happiest season of all” when it’s really about surviving and not killing your spouse?

Sex was the last thing I wanted. In fact, sex with myself would be far more fun and satisfying (Note to self: why don’t I have sex with myself as it would be fun and satisfying?) But I had to make an attempt at it; if nothing else for this blog.

After putting my toddler to bed, I poured a hot bath. In a defiant tone I mumbled to my husband, “Do you want to join me?” I wanted him to say no. I really needed some me-time and didn’t want to have to make polite conversation in such a cramped space.

But, as Murphy’s Law would have it, he joined me. First thing he said when he got in the tub was, “Pour more hot water in.” I was going to say, “There’s enough hot water and we shouldn’t waste.” But then I thought, “Try not to scrap the one attempt to be nice to each other this week.” So I completely filled the tub with hot water.

The extra hot water seemed to do the trick to relax me. I was just settling in, letting the warm water envelope me, when my baby woke up and started softly fussing. Three minutes later, the fussing was too loud to ignore and I was out of the tub drying myself off.

My husband said, “Can’t you just let him be?” Which could have easily set off another fight but I just kept my mouth shut and got the baby.

The next morning, the bit of tension between us had ebbed. I’m not sure it’s because of the olive-branch I (reluctantly) offered taking a bath together. However, it felt better not to be in such a scrappy mood.

Which makes me wonder what is the difference between: forcing something that shouldn’t be forced; and making an effort because it really needs to be made?

If anyone has an opinion on this, I would sure like to hear it.

Has anyone noticed that my husband I have yet to have intercourse? Well, that’s my goal for next week. I have a particular soft spot for Christmas sex as it is what gave me both of my children. I’ll be trying out Pink lubricant to see how it works. Stay posted.

More Six Month Sex Challenge
Week #3--Finding Intimacy in the Middle of a Hernia
Week #2--My Sexual Needs versus the Football Game
Week #1--How Do We Make Time for Sex?

(Originally published December 2009) Image Source