Dr. Trina Read: Beyond the Bedroom


Finding Intimacy in the Middle of a Hernia

I went into Emergency and my husband went into his 'man cave' and somehow we still found time for sex.

Week #3 of my Six Month Sex Challenge and because last week we focussed on my sexual needs, this week it's my husband's turn. Problem is I had a hernia and intercourse was out of the question. Just one more complication in trying to get sex back on track.

Lesson learned from last week: Having my sexual needs met won’t always be greeted enthusiasm. It seems unfair that sex always has to include intercourse in order for my husband to be satisfied...I really need to set a new sex precedent.

Finding Intimacy in the Funniest of Places
The pain in my stomach became more pronounced Monday afternoon. By Monday night it was just plain bad. Tuesday morning the pain hadn’t gone away and I had to call my husband home from work to take care of our kids.

Luckily my doctor was able to see me that day. As I gingerly hopped off his examination table he calmly explained, “You have a hernia that may need operating on within the next 24 hours. I’m sending you to Emergency to have it dealt with.”

Crap! I don’t have time for this.

Went home, phoned my mom to take care of my toddler. Bundled up my newborn and my husband and I proceeded to Emergency. Long story short, we waited for 7 hours in Emergency. When we saw the surgeon he said, “It’s not life threatening and we have a very busy night. Make an appointment in one week so I can reassess.”

During those seven hours in Emergency, my husband did a marvelous job of taking care of me and our baby.  It was incredibly comforting to know I could count on him and we really were a team.

The closeness I felt to him was amazingly similar to the intimacy felt after a good romp in the sack. Always amazed at the places I can find intimacy as long as I’m open to seeing it.

It’s later in the week and we’re back to my husband’s sexual needs…
My husband was given a bad piece of news Thursday. He, understandably, went into a bad mood cave.

Because he took such good care of me at the hospital, I really wanted to reciprocate and take care of him. Give him a little sex pick-me-up. As the horizontal mambo was completely out of the questions because of my hernia, I decided on a little oral sex.

(Please note: I’ve given up on trying to fit sex into my son’s weekend nap time. For now, sex has to be at night. Sigh. But really it only takes about 15 to 20 minutes which means I’m in bed at a reasonable hour.)

I am a bit sheepish to admit that it’s been a while since I performed an exclusive blow job (god, I hate that expression) and was a bit rusty. My husband didn’t seem to notice my forgotten oral sex techniques that I gleaned from Lou Paget’s fabulous book, How to Be a Great Lover.

Given the bounce in his step afterwards, it was a successful pick-me-up. Mission accomplished.

Putting on my sex expert cap for a second...
Oral sex is efficient, effective, and brings no end of happiness to the recipient. Really must remember this when I don’t feel like having intercourse but still want to have a little bit of sex.

Next week: My needs. I was going to try out something a bit exotic but we’ll see if the hernia has healed enough to do it. Also curious to see if my husband is, once again, unenthusiastic to join in when it’s all-about-me sex.

(Originally published November 2009.)

Six Month Sex Challenge
Week #1--Making Time for Sex Trickier Than I Expected
Week #2--My Sexual Needs versus the Football Game

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