Week #17—Six Month Sex Challenge:
If I Had a Nickel…
If I had a nickel for every time I’ve said, “Great sex starts with great communication,” well, I’d be retired to the Bahamas by now.
Most couples know this to be true. I believe most couples do want to have an open, honest and transparent communication with their partner. However, proactive communication is tricky at the best of times; over the long haul, it gets muddled with couple shorthand, ego land mines and eyes glazing over when certain topics are brought up.
Communicating effectively doesn’t have to be difficult; it just takes both people committed to making it work. The problem usually lies with how to start the process.
A Private Affair Game
I came across this game called A Private Affair and thought it might be one way for couples to start communicating about their sex life.
The instructions say, “Although you can play this game at home, or almost anywhere, we recommend that you first take the game with you for a dinner date.”
Dinner date?!? Like a date night? Gosh, that’s something my husband and I haven’t done for probably a year. So I asked my mom to take care of the kids. Showered and dressed in my few grown up clothes—which are so incredibly out of fashion that wearing a paper bag would (almost) be more in style. Drove to my favorite restaurant where I met my husband (he pulled my chair out for me…I just about fell over with confusion.)
So far, so good. Next set of instructions. “It’s best to play the game slowly, throughout an entire meal; (main course and dessert!) So, after your food has been ordered, discreetly place a small pile of cards face down on the table where both of you can reach them.
Putting the cards and notepad on the table wasn’t as awkward as I thought it might be. Asking the questions, though, was a mixed bag.
Each card gives a thought provoking question which is a double edged sword, as you really have to think about your answers. This is good because it makes you think about your partner and your relationship. Yet, for each and every question: my husband and I started with raised eyebrows as we read our card; an exhalation of air as we thought; and a confused, “I’m not sure how to answer this…”
Granted, neither of us come up with a snappy response at the best of times; add to this my constant low level hum of exhaustion and even making sense of some of the question was a bit tough.
One question sparked some good conversation; the others questions, not so much.
My Thoughts on A Private Affair
Loved, loved, loved that we had an excuse to go out for a date night. Really a lot of fun and much needed.
If you are a couple who is having a difficult time talking about sex, this could be a good game for you. Suggestion: You can pick a card every day, think about it and then bring it up with your partner later on.
This game won’t make you horny for sex; yet it will enable you to get more comfortable talking about sex…which, after a bit of practice, will definitely help in all areas of your sex life. The effort will be incredibly beneficial to your long term sex.
My Husband’s thoughts on A Private Affair
He gives it a 6/10. He feels the cards create a contrived conversation that create a lot of awkward moments. He also feels that the more he played the game, the less sexual he felt. He believes that much talking is far more appealing to a woman than it is to a man. (Which got my hackles up but he has a point—women, generally, like to talk; men tend to show their emotions in a more physical way.)
More Six Month Sex Challenge
Sex in the Shower
Spicing Things Up with a Little Porn
Praise His Penis
(My Six Month Sex Challenge blog series was originally published in 2009. I'm happy to report now that my kids are 3 and 5 years old, my sex life is back on track!)
Week #16 Six Month Sex Challenge
Ode to Shower Sex
Oh shower sex how I love thee. You’re fun, easy, convenient…and quick (because sometimes there is only a tiny bit of time when both children are napping and sex is possible.)
I love being lathered all over with yummy smelling body washes and a girly-loofah. Feeling the warm water cascade down my body—I always hog the water and my husband (who knows he is going to get sex) is more than happy to accommodate. Bodies all slippery and slidy against one another. I’m clean before, during and after.
Throw in some silicone lube that’s discretely hiding behind the shampoo and you have yourself one fun sex party! There’s really nothing I can say against shower sex, other than if things get a bit vigorous, there’s a chance of slippage. And now even that is but a distant memory.
Shower Sex Just Got Better!
Just imagine then ladies and gentlemen—drum roll please—shower sex just got better! Yes, it’s really true. Sport Sheets has come out with an incredible line of shower sex accessories. Thank goodness this challenge was a perfect excuse to try them out.
All of the handles lock securely in place with two heavy-duty suction cups. They’ll stick to any smooth surface—glass, tiles over four inches wide, fiberglass—and once you’ve pressed them into place, you simply push down the levers on each end and they’ll stay there for as long as you want them to.
The products look like something that would go into a shower so if you ‘forget’ about them and your kids/ mom/ friends see it, they won’t have a clue that they are meant for sex.
My thoughts on Shower Sex Accessories
We have the perfect sex shower in our downstairs; however, because it’s made of small tile the handle and footrest couldn’t suction. Major bummer! We had to use the upstairs shower and the first order of business was to remove all the kid’s (mood killer) bath toys.
Next was putting up the accessories which I let my husband do. It’s super easy to attach and we both had fun hanging off the dual handle just to see how strong it was. I really liked the footrest and can see me shaving my legs with it at other times.
Having the added leverage and handle to grab did make a big difference to sex. It made sex feel much safer and therefore allowed me to get more into the sex. Plus there’s a lot more opportunity to try different positions or ideas.
I’m really pleased with this line and want to get a few more products for future showers.
My husbands thoughts on Shower Sex Accessories
The only tricky thing about this product line is figuring out ahead of time where to place the handle and footrest. So my engineer minded husband thought (all week) where they should be placed in the shower. His placement ideas were alright but needed to be tweaked. His engineering ego was a bit bruised so he didn’t give the product a rating. (I told him he needs to rethink the placement for the next time we have shower sex—which placated him.)
More Six Month Sex Challenge
New Mom = No Sex Drive
Spicing Things Up with a Little Porn
Praise His Penis
(My Six Month Sex Challenge blog series was originally published in 2009. I'm happy to report now that my kids are 3 and 5 years old, my sex life is back on track!)
Image Source shower sex. Image Source Sportsheet product
Week #15 of the Six Month Sex Challenge
Where Did My Sex Drive Go…I’ll Tell Ya
Every single piece of my clothing is covered in snot, spit up and drool. My two kids are sick this week which means neither are sleeping at night and both have diarrhea. (I’m sick too but that’s irrelevant.) The last time I got four hours of straight sleep was three years ago.
Throughout my day, I’m simultaneously trying to meet work deadlines and keep my toddler from clobbering my 5-month-old. Doing a thousand mind numbing tiny chores that once accomplished, need to be done again the next day. Even though I’m back to my regular weight, I can barely look at myself naked in the mirror.
At night my husband and I sit at the dinner table, trying to make conversation—and sometimes we do—but mostly we’re too busy accommodating the children’s demand for attention. There’s always someone screaming, barking (my dogs), crying, fussing, or needing to be breastfed.
Finding time to have sex, some weeks, is the act of sorting out an intricate puzzle of four people’s diverse itineraries. My husband said to me this morning, “I wonder if Tiger Woods understood how difficult it is to have sex with two little kids. Maybe that’s why he cheated.” Nice!?!?
The thing is, this week is the norm and not the exception.
Is There a Magic Sex Pill?
It makes sense then that many new moms feel they have a low libido and search for a ‘magic pill’ to help get them feeling sexual and sexy. In fact, every year millions of women spend billions of dollars on spurious libido enhancement pills, creams and other unproven treatments.
If you’re a new mom two things:
(1) You, most likely, aren’t suffering from a low libido, rather an overload of everything else. I believe it’s impossible to feel sexy and sexual when you have too much responsibility. And I personally think it's wrong that moms (and dads) feel pressure to have mind blowing sex (or any kind of sex for that matter) on a regular basis. Something has to give in these hectic situations.
(2) To date there is nothing on the market that has been FDA approved that will help a woman to feel sexual.
After seeing bogus libido product after bogus libido product on the market, I got a press release for Zestra (*see product description below). After looking at their website I thought, “What the heck, I’ll give it a go. See if it really does get my girly-parts all perky and ready for sex.”
My thoughts on Zestra
Zestra was tough to review. On the plus side, the “Essential Arousal Oils” are all natural (i.e. Primrose Oil, etc.) unlike some similar products on the market. It did produce a lovely warm and tingly effect that lasted for 45 minutes. However, it didn’t help to get me more in the mood; nor did it make it easier to achieve a clitoral or vaginal orgasm (as its advertising alludes). I like the product and it's important to have realistic expectations about what it can do for your sex life.
Verdict: It’s a nice product that can give your vulva a happy little ‘pick-me-up’ boost. And sometimes in a hectic day, that’s a good thing. I definitely want to try this product again when the kids are older and life is less hectic. Think it could be a fun ‘getting me in the mood’ pre-sex ritual.
My Husband’s thoughts on Zestra
There really wasn’t anything for him to say about the product. He apparently didn’t feel the same warm, tingly sensation even though there skin-to-skin contact.
More Six Month Sex Challenge
Spicing Things Up with a Little Porn
Praise His Penis
My Sexual Needs Versus The Football Game
(My Six Month Sex Challenge blog series was originally published in 2009. I'm happy to report now that my kids are 3 and 5 years old, my sex life is back on track!)
* Zestra is a safe, patented blend of botanicals oils and extracts, created to help women feel more—effortlessly. Topically applied Zestra works within minutes by heightening your sensitivity to touch–for deep, pleasurable sensations, sexual satisfaction and fulfillment. After applying Zestra to the clitoris and labia, the effects–the Zestra Rush™–begin for most women within 3 to 5 minutes and last for up to 45 minutes.
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