While at the playground not long ago, a dad told me with an equal mix of awe and horror: “Friends of ours have a sex contract. An actual contract to have sex!?!?!?”
I looked him in the eye, smiled, and replied, “Fantastic idea! They might have found out how to do it from my book.”
In a world where under-the-surface resentment, guilt, and frustration over sexual dissatisfaction is the norm, discussing our ever-evolving sexual wants, needs, and desires makes A LOT of sense. But what if you're not the type to get it all down on paper?
With the new year fast approaching, this is a perfect opportunity to rejuvenate the oh-so-important couple intimacy with a jump-start to your sex life.
When we think about making sex a priority—or at least not the very last thing on the to-do list—there's a perception that it will be too complicated, time consuming, or too much effort. While it's true that sex needs to be taken off cruise control, the benefits of making this effort is massive. Intimacy is a glue that holds you two together through thick and thin and it's also a giver of confidence boosting sexual self-esteem. I won't bore you with the hundreds of research papers proving the power of intimacy, because intuitively we have experienced what it does for our personal and couple happiness (but if you do want to read one, you can do so here).
Sex Expert Advice: A ten minute (positive) discussion about your sex life once in a while, saves months and years of unnecessary heartache, relationship dissatisfaction, and sexual unhappiness.
Here are 5 tips that will help you and your partner rejuvenate your sex life during the holidays and into the new year.
When doing your holiday shopping, why not buy a "special" couple gift? When deciding what to buy, the first thing is for you to understand where your sex comfort level is and then push yourself to try something edgier. Fortunately, there is no end to the sexy present possibilities.
It could be something as innocent as giving your guy a lovely razor kit with a promise to give him a sexy shave. Or get a friend to take a few sexy snaps of you and create a couple's-only photo album. Or for the techie, Onyx is an online game of sexual exploration where players perform all kinds of intimate actions, from mild to kinky.
If you don't have Trojan lubricants waiting in your night stand (or close to your bed) ready for use, RUN to your local drug store. When you get there you will find a wonderful assortment. To start, you'll want a few lubricants on hand, such as those from Trojan.
Arouses & Intensifies: This lube is perfect for foreplay massage, hand-jobs, and intercourse. Silicone, unlike water-based lube, won't dry out. Trojan Lubricants are unscented, clear, non-sticky, and mess-free.
Arouses & Releases: Sometimes we want a little 'extra' and this lube is an easy way to add a different sensation and dimension to love making: warming, heat, cooling and/or tingling. Together, your movement helps unlock the motion-activated intensifier.
People hate looking foolish and they especially don't want to look foolish during sex. The reason we sex experts drone on about 'setting the mood' with the ubiquitous candles, music, and cute underwear is because these are familiar things (and sadly, they get tossed to the wayside early on in a relationship).
If you haven't introduced new bedroom ideas for a while then, start with the old stand-bys: a few online erotica stories, a massage candle, nice undies, and a couple's sexy play list.
If you're ready to try new sexy things but don't know how to initiate the conversation or even what to do, then buy a sex game. My personal favorite is Embrace: The Ultimate Sex Game.
Sue Johanson, host of "The Sunday Night Sex Show" put Embrace in her Pleasure Chest (the highest rating for sex toys) and said, "Playing the game encourages you to reveal those innermost thoughts. Thoughts you’ve maybe been wanting to share, but were nervous or shy about telling your partner. And you’re given erotic challenges, like ‘blindfold your partner and lick them all over.’ I liked the game and I think it could help deepen a couple’s intimacy–and that’s always desirable."
I discuss sex games a little more in this short video:
Introducing a vibe like Trojan's Vibrating Bullet or Hot Spot Vibrating Ring into the bedroom is definitely a sex game changer. However, a big challenge of buying a personal or couple vibe is that there are hundreds to choose from. And what every woman (and guy) likes from their vibrator experience varies dramatically: programmed/intense/squeeze controlled vibrations, type of handle/grip, length and girth, and so on. Because every vulva and penis is different, it's smart to put some thought into what you're buying, by going through this check list before putting your credit card down.
Generally, it's not a good idea to surprise your partner with a toy because they may take it the wrong way. Besides, it builds super sexy anticipation when you shop together.
As you can see, creating a satisfying sex life is a matter of simply tweaking a few small things for your usual routine. The best part? When you introduce new sexy ideas, it's a sure fire way to flood the brain with all those wonderful feel-good hormones you experienced when you first met your sweetie. So what are you waiting for?
Wishing you a very happy, love, and sex-filled holiday season and new year.