It all starts when you begin thinking how nice it might be to have a baby.
And then comes a little of this:
And whether it happens easily for you or it takes, well, a bit longer than you planned, eventually you get to this:
And you’re all
And your man is all
And your fantasies of life with baby look a lot like this:
So, you wait through nine long months of pregnancy . . .
And then comes your delivery, which goes a little something like this:
But then your baby is born, and for a few hours afterward it’s all
. . . mostly while your meds wear off and your baby recovers from the trauma.
But it's not long before this begins:
and feels like it just might never stop. You're into one never ending string of sleepless nights and cluster feeding and you’re like
And, of course, there are all. those. diapers.
And then, one day, another mother tells you her little angel has slept through the night since age three weeks. And you’re all
And when people (your mother-in-law, perhaps) give you unsolicited advice, you feel like:
But then, at last, your baby sleeps through the night.
And you start feeling more confident. You've nailed this mothering thing.
It's not long before your little one starts sitting . . . crawling . . . standing . . . and at first you’re all
But then you look around and realize all the dangers and you’re like
And then he starts to talk, which is super sweet, until he learns his fave word
And then he hears you swear for the first time. He takes to this fun new word like a pro.
Shortly after that you hit the tantrum stage. And you feel a bit like this
And then . . . your toddler stops napping.
You try to stay organized and productive during the day, but taking a kid to the grocery store is a little like this:
At last it’s time for your darling little one to go to school for the first time. And, in spite of everything, you’re all
But then you go home after drop-off and the house is oh-so-quiet.
So you go
But the truth is, what you're really looking at is years and years of this:
and hour upon hour of baffling math homework.
When you take your kid to school you want to drop him off looking all
but really it's more like this.
And then one day . . .
One of your kid's friends calls on the phone . . . just to talk. And then he doesn't want you to kiss him at school drop-off anymore. And then he says he wants a Facebook account. And before you know it, your baby is going to be all . . .
Because that baby of yours is growing up. And part of you feels
and another part feels
but mostly you feel like you want to
because you know it won't be long before the teenage years arrive. So for now, you're going to enjoy all the cuddles you can get.
And, perhaps, the best thing you can look forward to about your baby growing up is this: the memory wipe that will undoubtedly make all those early years feel like:
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