I remember the day formula arrived at my door. I was still pregnant and a delivery came from Nestle. Maybe you've received it too? A backpack, insulated to keep my formula cold when I was on the go, and a sample can of infant formula, plus some sort of "literature"... and I'm using the term very loosely. My first reaction... "How did they know I was pregnant? Did I sign up for this?" My next reaction... "I don't need this." I always planned to breastfeed. But the tin went in the cupboard. Because, well, it was free... and it seemed weird to just toss it out.
Breastfeeding went well, with a couple of minor hiccups in the first few weeks, as there often are. A few months later, I found the can of formula and threw it away.
The second time I got pregnant, a sample can of formula somehow found its way to my house again. This time it was Similac. I remember it clearly. By then, I had a toddler, had been through the usual ups and downs of early breastfeeding, knew lots of mommies and was training pregnant women and postpartum women on a very regular basis.
That time, my first reaction was... "They know I am going to have a hard time at some point and they hope I will turn to formula." This thought was so clear and so true in my heart and my gut. To this day it still bothers me. I felt preyed upon.
Today I saw this ad on Facebook and the anger washed over me again.
Because, the truth is, for many of us breastfeeding is difficult in the beginning. And, as in my case, having already breastfed a child doesn't guarantee breastfeeding relationships with later children will be a cakewalk, either.
My second had a terrible latch. We just didn't fit together. His tongue didn't extend very far, one of my nipples was very flat and things went downhill quickly. His weight loss was too rapid, he had a little jaundice. He screamed at the breast. My nipples were raw and I felt terrified that I wasn't able to sustain him with my bad latch and slow flow of milk. I don't think I even made it a week before I dug around, found that can of Similac and I cracked into it. I felt AWFUL doing it. My first had never even tasted formula and I wanted to give the same breastfed nutrition and bonding to my youngest. If that can hadn't been there, who knows what might have happened? As he gradually relied on formula for part of his nutrition, my flow didn't increase. I took herbs. I tried to pump — unsuccessfully. I fed him what I could but he became so frustrated at the trickle of milk from my understimulated milk glands that all I could do was cup feed him formula so he would stop screaming and, hopefully, pass out between feedings so I could rest my sore, sensitive breasts.
I became distraught and eventually, depressed and angry. I required antidepressants to cope. My doctor told me, "It wouldn't be the worst thing if you just used formula. You know, they're really good these days." I saw lactation consultant after lactation consultant, finally getting the help I needed at the Newman Clinic in Toronto. I spent two months feeding my son through a tube, taped to my nipple, with a cup of formula inserted into my bra. I chilled the formula so it would numb my nipples as it flowed out of the tube and into his mouth. I took massive doses of domperidone (actually a gastrointestinal drug with a lactation side effect, now prescribed more often off-label to help improve milk production), and bit by bit we established a supply that matched my son's appetite.
By 3 months I had a choice. I couldn't feed him adequately with just my breastmilk. That ship sailed months before when I introduced formula (and the fast flow of a cup or bottle). In comparison, the breast must have felt to Cash like sucking coffee through a plastic stir stick while the cup was a lovely drinking fountain — plentiful and stress-free. With the support of the Newman clinic and their amazing consultants, I decided to begin him on solid food and remove all formula from his diet. He adapted well. My breasts healed and we enjoyed breastfeeding together, finally. I stopped the antidepressants. He grew like a weed.
We breastfed until just last November, when he turned 3. That's us up there, just a few months before we weaned.
I hear from so many women, "I didn't have enough milk." I hear it almost daily, and from the hundreds of women I meet each year I hear it so often it penetrates my gut that it is overwhelmingly TOO OFTEN. It just cannot be true that SO MANY of us cannot. Women in poorer regions of the world, on diets of fewer than 1,000 calories per day, sustain life for themselves and their infants (though, I admit, likely not as comfortably). Breastfeeding before the invention of infant formula used to be the primary nutrition for infants and toddlers, and a regular occurrence up to anywhere from 3-5 years old.
We don't talk about the fact that breastfeeding is not automatic. It is a skill that must be learned, and it is a relationship that must be developed. With each and every birth. When it happens to us, we think "I can't breastfeed. Everyone else seems fine so I must not be able to breastfeed." We must start sharing our breastfeeding stories and tips. We have to take breastfeeding out of the closet so it can be seen, discussed, and learned before that fateful day when baby plops on your chest in a heap of hot, slimy mess and starts rooting around for a connection to you, the person she's been connected to since conception.
We are so obsessed with numbers in our society, with quantifying everything. Not being able to SEE the amount of milk going into a baby's mouth from the breast feels less safe than measuring a certain number of ounces into a bottle and trusting that our google search has turned up a reliable "average" feeding amount for baby's age.
And there is that can of formula, just waiting. Convenient product placement, isn't it? Right in your own home.
It is not my business how any other woman feeds her child EXCEPT when that woman is being allowed to believe that her body is malfunctioning and that she must rely on a man-made product to replace a system that functioned for tens of thousands of years until someone realized how vulnerable and extensive this market is.
Here are some facts I think you should know.
baby should have skin-to-skin contact immediately upon birth — when possible — and should make a first attempt at breastfeeding within an hour
baby should be exclusively breastfed for 6 months
baby does not need formula, milk or water to supplement breastmilk; if they seem to need anything, offer the breast
breastfeeding is an around-the-clock job in the beginning and you should expect to feed often, sometimes for a long time at each feed while baby gets the hang of it, all day and all night; baby is not born understanding a clock
baby should be fed when he or she asks for it as this tells your body when to produce
baby will often want to comfort-suck at the breast and this is not spoiling; oral comfort is one of the only forms they know
milk will take 3-4 days, or perhaps longer, to come in and until then you provide a different and vital substance, colostrum, designed for the earliest stages, and will not "squirt" or "leak" — this is normal and baby sleeping less than you expected or crying more than you expected does not automatically mean you are not providing enough food.
sufficient feeding is determined by the number of wet diapers and bowel movements, not by your baby's mood or restfulness, or by how full or light your breasts feel
I wish you a long and lovely breastfeeding career!
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