Mike Reynolds: Dad Outside the Lines


What the Royal Couple Should Know About Raising a Charlotte

Trust Me, Royal Peeps. I've Been there


Congratulations! I hear you have a Charlotte of your very own now! I sort of figure us as members of the same exclusive club, as I too have a Charlotte. Let me then offer you some friendly advice on raising a Princess Charlotte.

This is a Charlotte:

Ours is what we call three and a smidge years old and she is wonderful. For quite some time, the only Charlottes we knew were her and the spider Charlotte from Charlotte’s Web. And then Royal babies came along and squatted on that name and in the hours since her naming, I’m sure there have been millions more Charlotte’s introduced to families all over the world.

Well, there are a few things that parents, including you, William and Kate, should know about Charlottes. These learnings are hard-earned. They are also very likely universally true.

She's definitely a princess but maybe not in the traditional way you're thinking

Think Cinderella. Only think Cinderella speaking a language she made up, that only she can understand and in which she makes very aggressive demands. So think that, but then think about her doing so while running around with a big smile on her face shaking her head from side to side asking when you’re going to listen to her. She’ll say that part in your native tongue but will never clarify what it is she wants. Nevertheless, you’d best get it for her.

It’s also worth thinking about the lovely kind of dresses you see on princesses in cartoons and then imagining those dresses scattered to the corners of your living room while a nearly-naked Charlotte spins around in the middle of it.

And please, for the love of all that is good, do not give her access to glass slippers. She's dangerous enough with craft scissors and glue, I can't imagine what she could do with those.

Success at public appearances will be hit and miss

The Charlotte you see in your house will be different from the one everyone else sees. You’ll spend hours inside with her trying to get her to stand still for “very literally one second,” while you try to clip her bangs. She won’t ever stop. She’ll run and she’ll play and she’ll make up stories, but she will not stop running.

Then you’ll go out in public with her and she’ll hold on to you like her extremities were covered in super glue.

“I sometimes wish my kids were so quiet but they’re always running around,” other parents will say to you. “They keep me so active. I actually have more defined calves now than I did when I was 17 just because I have to chase her so much. But you don’t have that problem.”

Charlotte would be able to prove them wrong if they just waited another five minutes. Because Charlotte has no Middle Mode. She’ll go from super shy to crazy-running-around-girl.

“…I just can’t believe how quiet and well-behaved she is. My ids would never just sit at my fee doing nothing. You’re so lucky to have a little girl who…”

And then suddenly Charlotte is climbing up the leg of the other parent.

She's amazingly and wonderfully accepting of everyone’s differences

Girls marry girls, boys marry boys, girls marry boys and bears marry giraffes. It’s wonderful.

Watch out for her smile. It's kind of like her evolutionary defense mechanism.

Her smile is absolutely irresistible which is wonderful. She knows it is, which is dangerous. Do you remember how three minutes ago you told her you’d never, ever give her that third piece of chocolate from her Halloween candy stash? She remembers too, and she has the brains to turn that harsh memory into a wide smile on her face.

She will have that chocolate and you will be left wondering how she ended up getting not only that piece but also the piece you had stored in the back of the cupboard, well out of the sight of children, that you had been planning on eating once the kids were asleep.

And as she walks away, her face covered in chocolate, she’ll flash that smile again. And give you a wink for good measure. And when she’s out of sight, you’ll wish you could see that smile again.

Older siblings are in trouble, even if they’re Princes.

That they are bigger than her is only an advantage for so long. Charlotte watches, studies and uses the weaknesses she finds in her older siblings to her advantage.

Do they have a favourite stuffed animal that they simply cannot go without even if it means giving up three other things they kind of want? Well, Charlotte will find that one thing and use it to get the three things. She’ll do this until she was everything in the house under her control and then barter it back for favours. Or fishy crackers.

She awfully wonderful at delivering snuggles. And nuzzles.

There is nothing more rewarding or comforting than a Charlotte snuggle/nuzzle. Always leave one arm available for quick snuggling access because you never know when it may come and you never want to miss out on it.

Image Source: Twitter

Miss the Naming News? The Royal Princess Gets a Name!