She was a bad role model.  Perfectly clean house.  Perfectly behaved kids.  Perfectly satisfied spouse.  Perfectly balanced life.  I had to kill her.  SuperMom (and her myth) had to go into the diaper genie where they belonged.  Because no mom can live up to "perfect" and I was trying so hard it was driving me insane.

Perhaps, if you had read my post about Play ground or Pay cheque? The Great Stay-at-Home Debate you might think I have work/life issues.  I do (geez, who doesn't?!).  There was a time when I was on top of it all...then, I had a baby which tipped the scale (and I'm sure some of you could insert *and then I changed jobs*, *and then I divorced*, *and then I went back to school* - all of these are life-tipping).

Having a newborn is so deliciously wonderful.  Don't get me wrong. But I forgot the life-tipping change.  The lack of sleep.  The fuzzy-brain due to lack of sleep.  The loneliness.  I became Zombie Mom....not SuperMom.

Last Saturday, I woke up with mastitis (breast infection - probably a blocked milk duct - anyone who's had it will be saying "ouch" as they read this).  So while on antibiotics did I rest?  Nope, I - the genius that I am - went ahead and made a sit down lunch for six, cleaned the house, made school lunches (and family dinners), nursed, changed diapers, did a skype interview on parenting (while breastfeeding the babe) and ran errands. 

(SuperMom - your myth sucks!)

Coincidentally, that Friday I woke up with mastitis again (the other side - loverly huh?).  Thank blog it was school pizza day because making lunch was the last thing on my mind (though I would have made it).  I don't know if the 2nd mastitis presentation was because I wasn't resting - but I bet rest would have helped. 

But SuperMoms don't rest do they?

I am finding it really hard to let go of control of my "regular SuperMom life" and well...lower the bar.  I feel guilty to order in.  I feel ashamed that our house looks like an atomic bomb hit.  I feel so guilty when I snap at the big kids "Can't you find something to do?!" because I'm too tired to spend time with them.

We live in a house of half-done.  Half-done laundry.  Half-done errands.  Half-done housework.  And it's. All.  My.  Fault.

Any jury would understand SuperMom had to die right?  She had it coming.  She was driving me insane!

I realize that sometimes it's better to accept "half-done" and be happy than to strive for "perfect" and be miserable.  MiserableMom is no hero.

So I'm stocking my freezer with ready to go meals.  I'm cleaning the kitchen & bathrooms and closing the door on the other messes.  I am cuddling with baby as I flake out watching American Idol with the big kids. 

I'm decidedly going to live my half-life to its fullest.

Because superheroes only exist in comics and bad sit coms.  Real life calls for real role models.  And sane mothers.