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Last year I put out a list of resolutions on the world wide web in a sad attempt to motivate myself in to keeping a few. How did I do? Well I’m happy to report that my track record in keeping resolutions is unblemished. I did not keep one. I am nothing if not consistent. Here then is a brief review of last years resolutions:
Resolution: I will remember my damn reusable shopping bags when grocery shopping.
Result: I actually never did remember my reusable shopping bags and now face another problem, an abundance of them. Out of eco guilt, I bought every manner of reusable bag the stores offered and still forgot them in the car.
Resolution: I will obtain a six pack for my abs. As motivation will post pic of stomach on my 41st birthday.
Result: Did I say six pack? Obviously I was drunk writing that post. More like keg, I will obtain a keg is how it should have read. As for the picture? I would like to thank my editor, Sharon, for keeping mute on that one. I know she had it marked on her calendar.
Resolution: I vow not to eat potato chips except when LOST is on and I am suffering from PMS.
Result: This was just a silly one. I mean potato chips and I have a special bond. I go to them when I’m happy, sad, angry, drinking and they are always waiting for me in all their salty glory. Not eat a chip. Madness, I tell you. Madness.
Resolution: I will use all beauty products before I buy another one to replace it. In theory you could collect more rewards points in my bathroom than your local Shoppers Drug Mart.
Result: I tried on this one. I really did. I made it a whole week before I was conned by some advertisement in a magazine for younger looking skin and fuller hair and found myself wandering the aisles like a strung out addict looking for a fix.
Resolution: To my dog: I promise to walk you more.
Result: To my dog: I’m sorry.
Resolution: I resolve to continue embarrassing the teen of the house
Result: Actually, the teen conspired against me on this one by maturing and stuff. Sheesh. Time to start embarrassing the younger ones.
Resolution: I will spend more time doing nothing with my children.
Result: This was not a total failure. Although we didn’t spend vast amounts of time loafing about, we did spend a lot of time together doing something. We travelled, we played games, we talked, we read. I feel pretty good about this one. So, not a total failure after all. At least that’s what I’m sticking with until their book comes out.
Resolution: I will do three things this year that scare me: 1) I will not charge anything to my credit card for thirty days 2) I will attend an event wearing an outfit I’ve worn before and 3) I will jump out of a plane. Ha ha ha....kidding. I’m not crazy. I’ll try curry this year, that’s as adventurous as I’m getting.
Result: Ok, clearly I pulled this last one out of my arse. Complete and total failure. On the plus side I looked fashionable while failing. It's all in how you spin it my friends.
So there you have it, an entire list of resolutions made and forgotten. Which is why this year, I’m resolving to not make any. That is one resolution I know I can keep.