Candace Derickx: See Mummy Juggle


What I Am Giving Up For Lent

40 Days, 40 Nights No F*cking Swearing

Lent is here again and I usually don't give stuff up, mostly because I'm a major underachiever when it comes to resolutions and such. My kids, however, are towing the company line via their Catholic school and came home yesterday all eager to give stuff up. "Mommy, mommy, I'm giving up my DS, my computer time, make-up and I'm going to help you in the kitchen." Let's break this down sacrifice by sacrifice shall we?

First: Giving up your DS? You mean the one that's broken?

Second: Your computer time? Screen time is screen time in this house and she knows it. This is a classic "look at how self-sacrificing I can be" while giving up absolutely nothing. She may not be on the computer, but all iThings are still in play. Same diff.

Third: Make-up? Excuse me. You're giving up make up? Considering you're not allowed out of the house with it on, this should be realtively easy.

Fourth: Helping me in the kitchen. Hmmmm. I am such a jaded mother, so you'll have to forgive me while I laugh uncontrollably over here in the corner.

*Sigh* Kids. It's so cute how they think we just fell off the turnip truck. Then, she said it. "What are you giving up Mommy?" I could have torn a page from her book and said something like, walking alone in dark alleys and chewing tobacco, but I took the high road. "I'm giving up swearing."

Silence. Clearly, even my children don't think I can do this.

My seven-year-old immediately starts to throw out subsititutes to me. "Mommy, mommy, you can say fuddle duddle, or shazam, or drats!!!!" I cringe at the thought of sounding like Mary Poppins, and the bad-as* in me dies just a little. No swearing?! What was I thinking for f*@ks sake? I'll never be able to do this. That is unless I have a little motivation.

God might strike me down for this, but what's Lent without a little betting on the side.

For everyday I go without swearing I will put $2.50 into my "Non-swearing" jar. At the end of 40 days, whatever I have dropped in the jar will go to Because I Am A Girl Canada. This is where you enter. You can make bets on how long I refrain from blue conversation. Leave your bet in the comments below. State what day you'll think I'll falter and how much you'll donate to Because I am A Girl Canada if you're right.

Finally, leave me your subsititutes for swear words. The really meaty, make-you-feel-like-you-vented ones, because somehow I don't think "oh drats" is quite going to do it.