I'm pondering the big questions in life today.
Do my kids really need to give Valentines to everyone in their class?
Yesterday, I asked them if they were going to be giving out Valentines this year (you know, just in case I had some last minute shopping to do) and I received a resounding no from both of them. In fact, they both seemed thoroughly turned off by it.
"Why?" I asked.
"Because we have to give them to everyone so nobody's feelings get hurt. Blech." said my youngest, so eloquently.
Um, ok then.
And this is where the pondering comes in. I'm not concerned about my daughters' respect for others. They've both received awards from school for modeling the spirit of inclusion. They watch for kids that are bullied or excluded. They are gentle with kids with special needs. I can honestly say that they try their best every day to be kind to those around them. But the reality is, they don't like everyone. Quite like most adults don't. Because it's impossible.
Why do they have to give those kids a Valentine? And vice versa. It seems quite disingenuous to me. The giver knows it and the receiver knows it as well. And what was the lesson?
For my kids at least, it seems that they've learned to hate a holiday they once loved. When they were younger they never questioned this rule, but they've gotten older and well, you know, are starting to question the machine.
And before everybody jumps all over me, I totally see the other side of things, I swear I do. I know that in the past little kids hearts were broken who never got a single valentine because they were different, or that some kid was bullied and got ignored by the mean girls. I am in no way suggesting we go back to the old way of doing things.
But does the victim need to give the bully a valentine? Will the victim really think the bully has put it all aside with a paper heart? What if you really just don't like the other kid?
So I'm wondering out loud if our "all or nothing" mentality is really teaching them anything at all.
What do you think? Does Cupid's arrow need to hit everyone?
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