We all love our kids. It's undeniable. Even the two parents my wife saw smoking outside the Walmart exhaling cancer in the face of their newborn love their daughter. You'd hope.
We're all trying our best. Sometimes we make mistakes, but we're trying. So it's never fair to call out another parent and their parenting choices.
That said, I'll call out any parent who smokes around an infant, one that doesn't slap a helmet on their kid before a bike ride and parents who try to raise their child as genderless.
Kathy Witterick and David Stocker believe a child’s sex should not determine his or her place in the world. The couple wants 4-month-old Storm to grow up free from strict social norms about males and females, so they have shared his or her sex only with sons Jazz, 5, and Kio, 2, a close family friend and the two midwives who helped deliver the baby.
The family challenges the norm on other issues, too. They practice “unschooling,” an offshoot of home-schooling that centres on the belief a child’s learning should be curiosity driven. They believe children can make meaningful choices for themselves, like choosing their own clothing and how to wear their hair. And the family co-sleeps, curling up together at night on two mattresses pushed together. [parent central]
My niece wasn't "allowed" to wear pink in the early years of her life. My brother and sister-in-law tried to raise her in a neutral environment. Fair enough. They have issues with the "princessification" of little girls and were trying to rail against it.
We all have philosophies we try to pass on to our children and that was the one they chose. However, trying to entirely remove gender from the equation takes a reasonable theory and pushes it to unreasonable limits.
Not telling your family or friends the gender of your child? Who are you kidding?
I've picked up my son from daycare to find him wearing tutus and pigtails. Other kids were doing it; he wanted to try it too.
Was it a problem? Nope. Did I care? Nope. Did I take pictures to bring out at his bachelor party? Yup.
It's never fair to tell another parent "you're doing it wrong." It's never fair to judge because none of us is absolutely perfect in our methods, but when madness arises it needs to be called out.
Two parents in France were charged in the death of their 11-month old daughter they were trying to raise as a vegan. Were their intentions proper? Sure, a little off the beaten path, but there's nothing wrong with being vegan. Was their execution inadequate? Absolutely.
Same in this case. It's not that they are trying to raise a child in a neutral environment and follow their son/daughter's cues for interests - it's the extreme nature of the execution that's so jarring.
These are children - not lab experiments.
Telus' Optik TV is rolling out Baby TV starting today. They're trumpeting it with press releases, but is it a good thing? TV targeted at not only toddlers, but babies?
Founded in 2003, BabyTV offers 24 hours of top-quality content created by educational experts for babies and toddlers, in a commercial-free environment. It was designed to support parents by providing shows that explore early learning themes through fun, with an emphasis on parent-child interaction. [source]
Back in 2009 it was found that the Baby Einstein videos marketed to parents wanting to brain up their children were a fraud and complete refunds were to be offered to parents who bought the products. 2-years ago we discovered not only were those videos not helping our infants get smarter, they were probably having the reverse effect.
Physicians are signing on to a recommendation that no television be watched by children under the age of two.
Zero screen time.
None.
Dr. Tom Warshawski, who is head of pediatrics at Kelowna General Hospital, said repeated studies have shown the problems linked to television viewing, including obesity and an increase in violent activity.
"It's somewhat artificial, but we do know that the first two or three years of life are periods of rapid brain growth," he said. It is widely believed the passive act of watching television interferes with this normal development, he said. [CBC]
Which is getting more and more difficult for parents to control. Kids aren't consuming less media, they're consuming more.
More than an entire day -- that's how long children sit in front of the television in an average week, according to new findings released Monday by Nielsen. The amount of television usage by children reached an eight-year high, with kids ages 2 to 5 watching the screen for more than 32 hours a week on average and those ages 6 to 11 watching more than 28 hours.
"They're using all the technology available in their households," said Patricia McDonough, Nielsen's senior vice president of insights, analysis and policy. "They're using the DVD, they're on the Internet." [LA Times]
I have to admit, we exposed Zacharie to television as an infant, falling for the Baby Einstein marketing. Doing the math, he's probably around 21 hours a week when you factor in morning and evening playtime as the tv fills noise in the background churning out Sesame Street, CBC Kids, Max and Ruby and Dancing With The Stars (all programs he loves).
But it's not just the TV that he's riveted to.
Zacharie loves watching videos on YouTube from my iPhone, on my lap at the computer or cranking out his own media on a portable video player like an iPad. And his younger brother, Charlie, is no better (those are my iBoys in the photo at the top of this article).
At 16 months, Charlie already knows how to turn on an iPod and flip through to find the apps he likes. He knows where the remote is to change the channel and if I bring out my laptop, he clamours to sit on my lap and watch YouTube clips or family videos.
There is no doubt I'm in serious violation of all of the above. We still get into his playroom and run around with trains, we read books and escape to the park as often as possible, but that TV still acts as a pacifier when we, as parents, need to get something done.
How much tv are your kids watching? Will you watch BabyTV? Are we being selfish by using that tv to get a few moments to ourselves? Is it possible to achieve that zero hours of screen time?
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There's a radio message board I read that went wildly off topic this weekend flame throwing at parents in this post by Mike Cleaver:
"Why is it that parents think they need to bring their toddlers in strollers to crowded public events?
And it's not just those one child models but many are pushing the SUV models for two or three.
Case in point, the Kitsilano Farmers Market, which opened for the season today. I arrived just after it opened but already, a sea of strollers blocking access to the vendors and being aggressively pushed through the crowds.
What do the toddlers get out of this?
Another group thought it was ok to stand in the middle of the main aisle and have a yak-fest.
It simply pisses off the people who come to patronize the farmers trying to sell their products."
Apart from the fact that Mike is a grumpy old man whose attitude on this board is nothing short of belligerent and confrontational on the sunniest of days, I have to agree with the theme of what he's saying. Countless times we've hit events where kids of walking age are being shuffled around in strollers. Sure, you paid $900 for it, but by the time they're 18 months, they should be fine walking.
There is an exception to the rule, however. Our youngest is just 17 months and for much of this spring I've felt guilty having him wrangled in a stroller. But when it's one parent on two kids, they can easily divide and conquer. If you need a stroller in case they get tired, grab a tiny one that won't get in the way - they're $10. Or use your shoulders, that's what dads were made for.
Later in the thread Adam Buckley, another grumplestiltskin, weighed in.
"It's because parents with babies and young children believe they're entitled to do everything other people are allowed to do. It's the same with taking their little pain-in-the-asses to the movies so they can cry and ruin it for the rest of the families, or taking them to restaurants so they can do that really loud "shriek" thing that children do (my children will be told once, that if they do that again, their voice boxes will be removed and not replaced until they're 20) and ruin other people's nights out. Dual parent households need to just have one stay home while the other shops, and also realize their social life is over until the kid is either at an age that they can look after themselves, or until they can afford a babysitter. I'm not sure why people believe that their children should equally burden everyone else as much as themselves, but I don't believe in the whole "it takes a village" nonsense... you were stupid enough to have them, you raise em yourself and in a manner that isn't going to affect my day."
Once again, great theme, tastelessly written.
We are the ME generation - and it's time to let go. Things change when you have kids. You can't bring your toddler to Fast Five (heard a story about it) and you can't bring your kids to many of your favourite restaurants. Truth is, for a few years one of you gets to have fun while the other stays home, or get a sitter.
Yes, it's different than what you're used to. Yes, it sucks. Guess what? It's your new normal.
Just because we're breeders doesn't mean we have to make our choice inconvenient for the rest of society.
It's like the drunk camping guy. He's picked so many fights that booze is banned from many Provincial Parks in Alberta on long weekends. Many of us know how to have a couple beers and keep quiet.
Same goes for parents - many of us realize the boundaries and respect them - it's the alpha parent that's ruining the reputation for the rest of us.
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