I’ve said it once, I’ll say it again: A great pair of jeans is one of the hardest things to shop for, falling closely behind “bathing suits” and “bras”. Very closely. Shopping for jeans is an activity that requires energy and a lot of positivity.
I mean, it starts out OK: you walk into the store ready to find jeans that fit and flatter like a supermodel.
You’re all “HI THERE!” to the sales associate because you’re here to buy the most flattering jeans in the history of denim.
Then you hit the racks with the same excitement your kids hit Toys ‘R’ Us with, but with control… because you’re a grown up. And besides, all this heart-pumping is good for you.
Until you realize it’s not just dark wash and light wash.
And what the hell with the sizing? What do these letters and numbers even mean? Is that the price or the weight restriction? (Spoiler: that's the price tag.)
You’re beginning to realize that not accepting help was a mistake, but you don’t want to seem clueless so you begin grabbing every pair and hoping for the best.
You head to the fitting room with equal parts excitement and fear.
Once in the dressing room, you realize that size means absolutely nothing to the monsters who made these jeans: why is the smaller size visibly bigger than the larger size? WHY?
You finally find a pair you love, and the world needs to know it.
You take some time to victory dance because you just found the perfect jeans and that’s worth celebrating.
And then you buy them in every wash, because obviously you are not subjecting yourself to this again soon.
And now you’re broke.
But it’s OK, because shopping.
You burst into the house ready to show off your new clothes!
And finally, you wear those new jeans with confidence! Go get ‘em, Mama!
Now, let’s go get some new shoes! Shoes always fit.