Facebook stealthily rolled out a bunch of brand new emojis in 2016. If you're old, like me, but young enough to enjoy using emojis, you probably spent a good amount of time which one accurately represented the feelings you were trying to convey. Well, fear not: I have decoded the 2016 emojis for your ease of use.
"I'm happy! I might have spruced up my morning coffee with a judicious shot of vodka, and therefore I'm high on life!"
"I've had a second cup of juiced up coffee, I'm getting slightly inebriated, and may have the giggles."
Yes, it looks like there's an identical happy face on the same line, and you may have spent 20 minutes trying to decide if there's a difference between the two. So here's the difference: Serial killers choose this happy icon.* Don't be a psychopath. Make sure you use the right happy emoji.
"I'm too lazy to type LOL and/or may have actually cracked a smile IRL."
"I know this isn't Tinder but I'm flirting with you (in case you can't tell) and would like to bear your Facebook children."
"This is like a thumbs up, only without any potential of passive aggressive in it."
"I haven't had nearly enough coffee yet to deal with you, and I'm actively trying not to eat your face. Please leave me aloooone."
"I'm happy and I have something against slightly upward pointed eyeballs in emojis."
"Your face and/or something you may have shown me a picture of looks delicious."
"I'm happy and bordering on passive-aggressive due to being sleepy and/or bored."
"Pucker up, buttercup."
"I'm blushing like a teenager at the idea of getting smooched by you and/or caught making duckface."
"I am a socially-awkward creepy person who wants to make out with you while staring into your eyeballs from 1.2 inches away."
"Na na na boo boo!"
"Your comment gave me a stroke."
"I'm drooling thinking about BBQing your face for dinner."
"I refuse to relinquish B-) to the 90s where it belongs, goddamnit. MY GENERATION INVENTED THE INTERNET."
"I have done something terrible and it involves you somehow. #YOLO."
"Do you ever have the feeling that someone's watching you? Like... me?"
"I may have crapped my pants."
"I definitely have crapped my pants."
"I am constipated," and/or "Your comment was so awful it gave me a painful bowel obstruction."
"I AM AN ANGRY FIRE-BREATHING DRAGON! RAWR!"
"Oh s%*t." Now with new and improved eyebrow action!
"Oh s%*t!!!!" and/or "I hope you have insurance for this."
"I am a goldfish."
"This sucks," and/or "I'm unhappy."
"I'm horrified, mostly because I've done something similar and I don't want to go to jail."
"I am visually conveying to you my profound sadness."
"I am ugly crying and literally have snot pouring down my face."
"Cry me a river so I can paddle down it in a canoe while playing the world's smallest violin for you."
"I can't figure out what response is least likely to offend you."