I have missed this space. Really missed it. If you read my last blog post back in March, you’ll know that I was making some changes, and one of those involved stepping back from YMC at the time. I’ve had a chance to pause, reflect, spend lots of time with my family, and re-prioritize.
During the past six months, I kept writing Meditating Mummy posts in my head. At first, I brushed it off, thinking it was just natural to miss something that had been part of my routine for so long. But the posts kept popping into my mind. It seemed like every week I would have a “bloggable moment”—an experience, a thought, a challenge—that would have, previously, come to life on this page.
In June, Erica called me about something entirely unrelated, and I told her I missed this blog. Her response was, “You know, you can always come back.” So the seed was planted. And that seed grew all summer. So here I am—three years after writing my first Meditating Mummy blog post—returning to this space that has not only taken over a corner of my mind, but clearly my heart.
Sometimes moving away from one place allows you to see clearly why you were in that place to begin with.
Three years ago, I wrote this:
I’m a yoga teacher and writer, a wife, and a mother of two kids (ages 3 years and 6 months). You might have a picture in your mind of a yoga-zen-mother: always serene and peaceful, seated in the lotus position and imparting worldly wisdom to the zen-like and inquiring children who have gathered at my feet.
Uhm, I have a confession to make. I lose my shit sometimes. I try, I really try, but I’m not always zen, I don’t always keep my composure, or find calm amidst the storm that is parenthood. Just like any other mum, I have times where my patience is endless and I think I might just be getting this parenting thing. Then (usually right after one of those thoughts) I have a day where my emotions take over, I fly off the handle and – like an out-of-body experience – start channeling my parents, using ridiculously British axioms like, “Buck your ideas up!” or “Pull your socks up, young lady!” Some wisdom from the wise zen mother, eh? A large part of yoga and meditation is about achieving self-knowledge, and bringing awareness and mindfulness to one’s everyday. But for all the meditation and yoga I have practiced over the years, nothing in life has challenged me to question my “self” or tested my ability to be mindful quite like being a mother has.
Everything we do as a parent - from laughter to laundry, disciplining to diaper changes - is more than just a physical act. The way we approach our kids and our interactions with them are a reflection of the people we are and the experiences that got us to this point. Parenthood – if we’re willing to truly reflect on it – isn’t sitting on the dock observing the scenery, it’s diving in to sometimes choppy waters, getting soaked and learning about ourselves along the way. It’s often joyous, it’s not always easy, but we experience it with a greater understanding of who we are.
Three years later, I am still a yoga teacher and writer, a wife, and mother of two kids. But the kids are now 6 years old and 3 ½ years old. I still lose my shit, and still use British axioms, and I am still learning about myself every day. I’m still diving into choppy waters and getting soaked, but it’s like swimming in a different lake now.
My kids are (generally) sleeping through the night (knock on wood), so I’m no longer dealing with sleep deprivation. The kids know how to communicate (most of the time), get dressed (most of the time), feed themselves (most of the time), play independently (do you sense a theme? Um, most of the time), and do many things that for so long they needed my help with. In many aspects of our daily life, things have become logistically easier. But there are different challenges that come with the new ages and stages.
My daughter is starting Grade One, my son is starting nursery school, and I’m moving down to part-time work hours for the year, so this will be a time of new beginnings for all of us.
As we navigate schoolyard antics, the work/home life equation, packed lunches, how to deal with a sassy six-year-old, sibling rivalries, three-year-old tantrums, parenting pressures, and how far up or down the “zen meter” I’m traveling from day-to-day, I’m thankful to be back here in this space, meditating upon it all.
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