We Are All In This Parenting Maze Together

I have given up trying to be a perfect mother.

When my first son was born, I stared at him in awe thinking okay maternal instincts, you can kick in now. But as months went by, I was sad with the realization I would rather be away from him more than with him. As a psychotherapist, this felt like an extra stab because I was struggling and had the training to help myself—but that didn't seem to be kicking in either.

Today I am so incredibly thankful for that experience because as the years rolled by, baby number two arrived, and more challenges came with lots and lots of tantrums; my need to make everything better focused my career into parenting education. Hey, I learned so much about handling the tough-stuff, why not pass it on!

In the process of not feeling satisfied with just surviving my days — I wanted to thrive, dammit — I came up with some pretty cool techniques, met wonderful colleagues , read lots of amazing books, and found fabulous sources for evidence-based parenting information. All of this helped some of my parenting goals become a reality, and others attainable to reach.

In working toward one of those goals which was to raise children who don't let their anger turn them into assholes or bullies, I experienced just how intensely kids can stir us up. On more than one occasion, I found this posted by desperate mom, "Two-year-old for sale. Cheap." Thankfully I have learned how to pause, making the difficult shift from rage to rationality. Most of the time. Um, some of the time. I would love to share what has helped me with you.

There is no *right* way to parent. We need to stop judging each other. Each parent has different goals, different childhoods, and different skills. We are all in this parenting maze together.

Instead of wanting to be a perfect mother, I want to be a rested one because when I am rested, I can hear my own good sense and have the patience to act on it. I also want to raise kids who can do big feelings without being flattened, handle the world when it gets rough, feel able to be themselves, have the courage to speak up, and love with their whole-hearts. Oh, and attend as many live music concerts as I possibly can, discovering a new favourite red wine along the way. Would you like to join me?