Ali Martell: Straight Up, With a Twist


The Golden Globes 2012

The Good, The Bad, The Confusing

"So, where was I?"

Ricky Gervais and his opening line are brilliant. Brilliant. For me, his only fault last night was that there was not enough of him. He can't win with the critics, though, can he? Last year there was so much backlash: Ricky Gervais is too inappriopriate and over the top. This year there's already backlash: Ricky Gervais is too soft; he sold out to the man. (The man here being The Hollywood Foreign Press, obviously.) 

I liked last night, but not everyone did

There were some surprises last night—like, say, the fact that Frasier Crane and Joey Tribbiani are relevant again (WHAT?) and that George Clooney is the man of the year it seems (Does this mean I need to actually see The Descendants?) and that Idris Elba is, um, British.

There were some total non-surprises last night—like, say, Meryl Streep's Best Actress win and the fact that Christopher Plummer will always be Georg Von Trapp to me and will always be amazing and that Helen Mirren is fabulous. 

It terms of fashion—which is really what people want to talk about—there were some goods, some bad, and some really what-in-the-heck-were-they-thinkings?!?!

I'm looking at you, Cowgirl Streep!

Sarah Michelle Gellar says that her toddler picked out her dress last night. Does Sarah realize that two-year-old toddlers like things like Dora the Explorer and Yo Gabba Gabba. I'm shocked that Sarah didn't show up on the red carpet in a giant orange jumpsuit and hipster glasses. And possibly a purple backpack. 

Black and white and nudes seemed to be the colour-of-choice on the red carpet. Or, say, BIG BIRD YELLOW. I'm not always a huge fan of nudes, unless you are the colour of someone from Jersey Shore (or, you know, Rob Lowe) but I absolutely loved Julie Bowen's dress. 

There was a tremendous amount of what I'd like to call The Mermaid Look—which, I don't know, does not seem to work on every woman, especially if that woman is in possession of hips or thighs. I'm not really a fan. See: Reese Witherspoon, Sophia Vergara, Elle MacPherson, Julienne Moore, Kate Beckinsale, Madeleine Stowe

Mila Kunis forgot that Black Swan was her 2011 movie. 

There was a fingerless glove on the hand of a fake-British woman whose boobs I wanted to free from their bondage. I'm not naming any names.

There were dresses I liked: Claire Danes, Julie Bowen, Sarah Hyland, Natalie Portman, Diane Lane, Shailene Woodley

There were dresses I didn't like: Angelina Jolie, Nicole Kidman, Michelle Williams, Lea Michelle, Amanda Peet

There were dresses that confused me: EMMA STONE. 

Fabulous. All of it. BEDAZZLED EAGLE BELT BUCKLE? Care to explain?!

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go watch Homeland and Downton Abbey and see what all of the fuss is about! 

What did you think of the Golden Globes? Favourite moments? Favourite dresses?