Finally! Someone Says What I Wanted to Say

(and uses the term "shart-rag")

by: Alex Thom

Well, Internet. I think this is the best thing I've read in, oh, ever. Karen Alpert, the witty writer behind the Baby Sideburns blog, has penned this spectacular letter that I would like to just print and distribute or maybe copy/paste (with credit, of course) everywhere. Next time some fabulously self-centred parent rants and whines about how her poor kid can't bring peanut butter to school because ONE measly kid could DIE from it, I'll point her to this.

The text reads as follows:

Dear parents who don't think it's fair to ban nuts from school
By Karen Alpert, Wednesday at 10:03 pm

Dear Parents at __________ School who don’t think it’s fair for the school to ban nut products,

So I just heard the story about your school and even though my kids don’t go there, I still couldn’t help but have an opinion. Now if you don’t want to hear what I think, feel free to stop reading now. Seriously, stop reading ‘cause you might not agree with what I say.

Okay, you’re still with me. Here we go.

So lemme get this straight. There’s this kid who’s deathly allergic to nuts. Like it’s so bad that if this kid sat down at a table where someone was eating nuts, he would die. As in dead. Gone. Forever. And the only way this kid can go to school is if the school bans EVERYONE from bringing nut products into the school.

And lemme make sure I understand where you’re coming from. So you think it’s YOUR kid’s right to bring her favorite snack to school. You think if someone tells her she can’t bring a PB&J to lunch that her freedom is being squashed.

Am I understanding all of this so far? I just want to make sure I have this straight.


So are you ready for my opinion? Do you want to hear what I think?

Stop being such a goddamn shart-rag and grow the F up.  I mean seriously? SERIOUSLY?!!! You think the right for your kid to eat a stupid brownie with chopped nuts is more important than a kid’s life? Your kid can still eat her crappy PB&J. She’s just gonna have to wait a few extra hours until she gets home from school.

I’m sorry if it’s inconvenient for you to have to think a little harder about what you pack in little Timmy’s lunchbox. Think how F’ing hard it is for Allergy Boy’s mom every damn day trying to figure out where he can and can’t go, and what he can and can’t eat. How awful it must be for her to send her kid off every day knowing she might not see him again if he accidentally touches the wrong table.

“But but but can’t this kid get homeschooled?” you ask. Ummm, first of all, are you offering to home-school him because who the hell said his mom can do that? Duh, maybe she works like most parents do.

“Well, why should my love muffin have to stop bringing banana nut muffins to school because some other kid has allergies?”

I’ll tell you why. It’s called compassion. It’s called putting yourself in another mother’s shoes. It’s called teaching your kid that maybe, just maybe, her desire to take peanut M&Ms to school isn’t quite as important as a boy’s life.

Anyways, that’s just my measly two cents. Take it or leave it. I’m off to the kitchen where I’m going to eat a scoop of peanut butter because it’s not gonna hurt anyone because I’m at home.


A mom who gives a crap about ALL kids, not just my own

P.S. If you like this, please join my facebook page and buy my new book that's coming out this October. Thank you!!