Halloween Party Etiquette

Tips For Mummies...yummy and embalmed

Halloween Party Etiquette

If you're attending a Halloween party this year, get down and get spooky, but be aware of these dos and don'ts — from a ghoul who knows her way around a jack-o-lantern.

Do dress up. Guests who come to a costume party in street clothes should be forced to wear a pumpkin on their head for the night. Have you ever smelled the inside of a day old pumpkin? Wear a costume. Even if it's just a lampshade on your head. 

Gentlemen, do not ask every female guest if they'd like to see your halloweenie. Unless it's really impressive — then by all means show us. We'll take a look.

If your name is Frank, do tell everyone your last name is Stein. But don't legally have it changed on your driver's license.

Do yell "Walkers!" every few minutes and pretend to be terrified, but ready to lop off a zombie's head. 

Do jump out from behind the shower curtain to scare guests who enter the bathroom. But don't be naked because that would be awkward; even if you're the guy with the enormous halloweenie. 

Display mice and bats and creepy crawlies on the food table. Do not use live ones. Or even dead ones. Fake, only fake. Nothing spoils a party faster than a rat in the pâté. Nobody likes râté. That's gross and a lawsuit in the making. 

Do tell guests that you "vant to suck dare blooooood" but don't actually do it.

Definitely bring a house warming gift, but nothing possessed or undead or evil in any way. Wine or a potted plant will do. 

Do compliment a guest on their werewolf costume. But before you do, be sure it IS a costume and not a menopausal woman who hasn't tweezed in awhile. The same goes for the guy in the fat suit. Make certain it actually is a costume before you say, "Man, it must be hot in there!" (while poking him in the belly)

So that's about it. Keep the nudity to a minimum, try not to poison or exsanguiate anyone, avoid human sacrifices or zombfication and your party will be a hit. 

Happy Halloween mummies! 

Check out more scary secrets for making this Halloween terrific-ly terrifying.


Is Forty Too Old For Fart Jokes and Double Dares

How Old Is Too Old To Act Like A Child?

Is Forty Too Old For Fart Jokes and Double Dares

Sometimes it's difficult to tell the adults from the children at my house. I enjoy puns and pranks and wrestling on the floor. I play basketball with my kids and beat them silly at Four Square. We crank up the tunes after school and dance in the kitchen until we're sweaty. Being a kid at heart is one thing (a healthy, awesome thing), but acting childish might be another. 

At what point are we too old to jump on stage with the band, hide under the bed to scare an unsuspecting spouse or to accept childish and possibly dangerous dares? Twenty-two? Thirty-one? Is forty-three the fart joke cut-off?

I may be a mature-ish woman on the outside, but on the inside I'm a silly kid. I'll do anything for a laugh, and I'll often cross the line—all kinds of lines—to get it. 

Like tackling an unsuspecting friend for example. Hi Alex. Or adopting a fake accent, making a prank phone call, smiling broadly at total strangers at a nightclub while wearing fake rotten teeth, or perhaps sticking my head under the chocolate fountain at a wedding. In my defense, the fountain thing was a dare. A double dare actually. Plus, it wasn't my actual head. I merely held a strawberry in my teeth and stuck THAT under the fountain. The chocolate on my neck and ear was simply splatter. It was all very sanitary, I swear. 

So when will the eye-rolls and disapproving looks be enough to stop the silliness?

Or is it even necessary to stop? I figure I'll just start acting like a grown-up as soon as my kids do. 

Works for me. 

What about you? What are some of the silly, dare I say immature, things you do to make your friends and family laugh?

* This particular fountain photo was taken at brunch last weekend. No, I did not stick in my head, thumb and/or any other body parts. The wedding fountain was years ago and I've matured significantly since then. Plus, my in-laws were in line behind me.


It's Great To Be Grateful

It's The Little, Superficial, Relatively Meaningless Things...

It's Great To Be Grateful

Great Full

Every year around Thanksgiving, the internet is flooded like gravy with posts about gratitude. It's wonderfully heart-warming to read about kindness and thankfulness; we need as much positivity as we get. 

I am thankful, too. For so many things like family, health, friendship—the biggies. 

This post isn't about that though. This is about the little things. The seemingly insignificant and somewhat self-centred things that make me feel grateful every day. 

Here's my list of Twenty-Five Silly Things I'm Grateful For:

1. Waking up without a new pimple.

2. Being first in line.

3. Pizza day at school (a day off from making lunches).

4. A new blog comment.

5. Seven consecutive hours of sleep.

6. New episodes of a favourite show added to Netflix. 

7. Pie.

8. No split ends.

9. An empty dishwasher (I despise emptying the dishwasher so when somebody else does it? Well, it rocks my world).

10. A good hair day. 

11. When my jeans fit and don't cut into my midriff like a lasso around a calf. 

12. Puns. Even if nobody else finds them funny, I do and that's enough. 

13. A morning cup of coffee.

14. Fuzzy socks and my Snuggie blanket. 

15. Cell phones. For all the obvious reasons but mostly so I can go about my day knowing that if there's an emergency with my daughter at school, I can be reached anywhere at any time. I am so grateful for this you don't even know. 

16. Finding something (usually my sunglasses or an earring) that I was certain was lost forever.

17. Autocorrect because it messes with people in such a delightfully inappropriate way. 

18. Funny people. 

19. Social media. It's a component of my livelihood and of course I'm grateful for that. But more importantly, it's put me back in touch with old friends, kept me up-to-date with family and friends who are far away, and it's introduced me to new friends who I wouldn't have met otherwise. Holy cow, I'm grateful for you people. 

20. Audio books. 

21. Left-overs. 

22. Sleeping children. 

23. An unexpected FedEx delivery. 

24. Birthday reminders on Facebook. 

25. You. I'm grateful for you. This is not to say that you're a little thing. You're a big thing. You read my blog, you comment, you make me feel heard. Oh sweet lord, here I go getting all stupid sappy and pathetic. But it's true. You care about me, and my family. I can feel it, and I am grateful. 

What little things are you grateful for?