Last weekend my husband and I, along with our two about-to-be-wed childless friends, went out to see a comedy show in Toronto's east end called "Time Out." It is a stand-up comedy night by parents for parents. This monthly event is hosted by the talented and beautiful Erin Keaney, and I was very excited to check out the show.
Though, I have to admit — I was a little nervous. What if our childless friends didn't think the show was funny? What if it was just a room full of tired drunk parents laughing at poop and labour jokes? Tyler and I would be laughing sympathetically, but our friends? They'd never want to pro-create, and there would go our plans to have our baby marry their future baby!!
Well luckily, the show was hilarious and all of the comedians were prepared with their best material.
Unlike me. Who came totally unprepared. You see, I had offered to film the event and interview a few of the comedians beforehand. Well, I was in such a rush to get out of the house without alerting Cole of my departure, that it wasn't until we got to the venue that I realized...I had forgotten my video camera. Hm. Sort of important. But, I'm an improvisor, so I pulled out my pen and paper and did the interviews anyway.
I was pleasantly surprised to see that one of the comedians who had offered up her time to chat with me was someone I already knew from my improv years at Bad Dog Theatre. The lovely Jana Peck and her head full of blonde bouncy curls met me upon my arrival with a big smile, "I was wondering if it was you when Erin said a Yummy Mummy blogger was going to be here!" she said. I gave her a hug and then also introduced myself to the second comedian who would be performing stand-up for the first time that night. A lovely woman named Stephanie Baptist.
The three of us sat down. Me in the middle with my notebook, and we just chatted. I probably should have actually taken notes. But I did write this down:
Jana Peck: Never gets out of the house. Ever. 2 year old son. Freelance copywriter and actor.
Stephanie Baptist: Two girls ages 10 & 6. Masters in Education from OISE. Works for a company called Roots of Empathy. Actor and Educator.
And then in the 15 minutes before the show, we had a mom-conversation pow-wow. It was sort of like speed-dating. And again, I probably should have been taking better notes...
But after watching their stand-up sets (where I finally took proper notes) here is what I learned about Jana and Stephanie:
Jana was the first comic to perform, and informed the audience that in her relationship with her husband "...the dry humping doesn't happen anymore." So they had to rent a luxury hotel room (in the same city where they live) just so they could have some quality get-it-on time. After beautifully re-creating the scene, I felt like I was in the hotel room with Jana and her hubby (rawr!!!) and she made me laugh out loud when she described how she pulled a muscle in her back trying to look sexy while lying on the bed. "I took a Geritol and then we did it."
Later in the evening, the rookie stand-up comic Stephanie was called up to the mic. As an actor, she's not new to the spotlight and she informed the audience that she would be reciting two stories that she wrote. "It's not stand-up comedy," she told us, it's "Dr. Seuss for Drunks." In a strong yet soothing voice, full of rhythm and perfect punctuation, Stephanie captivated the audience with her hilarious stories full of vomit and parent-filled-rage over pink misplaced toys.
At the end of the evening, I was in such awe of the talent I had witnessed. From Stephanie's first-timer set to Angela Maiorano Thurston and Ryan Belleville's pro-sets, there wasn't a dry eye (or pair of underwear) in the room. I quickly chatted with a few other comics before I left, but had to get home quickly to feed my son because my breasts were about to explode.
It felt so amazing to be surrounded by so many talented and lovely people, and only further fuelled my fire to get up on that stage myself. I haven't done a stand-up set since I was 9 months pregnant just over a year ago. I have the itch (no, not an infection) and Erin has asked if I'd like to come do a show in the next month or so. Of course I said "yes" and this time — I'll remember to bring my camera. So stay tuned — and follow Erin's FB page for information on upcoming shows (she produces four a month. Because she's Wondermom and apparently isn't busy enough...)
If you've been following my blog, you'll know that in December my husband and I took the plunge and moved to the suburbs.
You may also remember that around that same time, we bought a mini-van.
"Cool" and "urban" quickly slipped off the list of words used to describe us as a couple — and what a relief!
I can now pull up my high-waisted mom jeans (they're back in style) and publicly admit something else that isn't COOL or URBAN:
My parents are living with us.
Yep. That's right. "My name is Jen, I'm 30 years old — and I live with my parents. Or...they live with us." However you want to phrase it, the bottom line is that we are now living under the same roof as One Big Happy Family.
Whenever I've told people this, I get one of two reactions.
Reaction from people who don't have kids: Are you insane? Why would you do that?
Reaction from people who have kids: That is amazing. You are so lucky. Smart move.
I would like to agree with the later reactions (obviously). Although there are some drawbacks to having your parents live with you (no wild monkey sex on the kitchen counter) we believe the pros outweigh the cons. And lets be honest. Sex on a kitchen counter? The same place I cut raw meat? I don't want my vagina to get salmonella, thank you very much.
Shut up. I'm sure it can happen.
Anyway, my parents have been living with us for about a month now, and really, it's been great. They brought along some furniture (only stuff that I said didn't look "granny-ish") and our house now feels like a home. My Dad and my husband both love to cook, so our fridge is always full of meals for the week. My mom looks after Cole during the day, so that means my mornings are quite enjoyable. I don't need to worry about rushing him off to daycare.
When we get home from work, my Mom usually has dinner cooking (or thawing from our prepped meals that were made on the weekend) and we can eat right away and then spend the rest of the evening playing with Cole. She also does our laundry...and the dishes. Oh. And feeds our cat. And our dog.
I know. I know. Please don't hate me. I feel very fortunate to be in this situation — and love coming home to a house full of so much love. That whole "it takes a village" thing really is true. I'm telling you, the bags under my eyes would be a lot heavier and my house a lot more dishevled if it weren't for this living situation.
I know it's not for everyone — but for us, it's working out quite well!
Tell me, do you think you could live with your parents or inlaws?
I am normally a pretty laid back, fun-loving, and kind person. I smile. I say "please" and "thank-you," and hold doors open for little old ladies. I've even been known to put my car in park and run across the street to help a disabled/potentially homeless man pull up his pants when he suddenly fell to his ankles (he was using a walker and wasn't very able-bodied.) This is a true story.
But if you'd like to see the other side of Jen Warman, all you need to do is wake up my sleeping baby.
This is when the fangs come out. This is when my face turns red with fury and I sputter a cacophony of swear words at you—my eyes filled with the purest form of hate.
If you've been following my blog, you'll know that my 1-year-old baby still doesn't sleep very well. It can be a challenge getting him to sleep, and when he does fall asleep, it doesn't usually last for long.
Therefore, if you're the one to make his eyes burst open just as he's nodding off...I will kill you. Or threaten to kill you. My husband, my mother, my father, my mother-in-law, my friends, and my dog have all been on the receiving end of my "you-woke-my-baby" rage.
Just the other day, in fact, my Mom was trying to be helpful by moving something on the floor so that my husband wouldn't trip over it as he carried our sleeping baby up the stairs. When she moved the object, it made a loud "tinging" sound and immediately woke up our son. He started crying.
Game Over.
My Mom immediately looked over at me: her eyes wide with fear.
"Please. Please don't hurt me daughter! I gave birth to you, remember? Remember me?"
I guess she doesn't know about animals that are so hungry they eat their own babies. It's sort of the same thing, only in reverse, isn't it?
Agh. I know having this much anger is irrational, but I dare you to explain "rational" to a mother who hasn't slept more than 2 hours at a time for the past 12 months. I also dare you to tell me about your baby who has been sleeping through the night since they were two days old.
I refuse to believe such babies exist.
F*cking unicorn babies.
Mythical f*cking creatures that other moms lie about just to make themselves look good. And they're probably ugly unicorn babies too. They sleep so much because they're too ugly to stay awake for long. Yeah. That totally makes sense! *self-high-five*
Sigh.
Tell me, am I alone in experiencing this rage? (PS> Don't tell me I'm alone, or I'll kick your ass)
DISCLAIMER: this is not a real threat. I am a wimp. I can't even kill spiders, and almost cried when I saw a squirrel fall out of a tree and die. But this is the internet and I can pretend to be as tough as I want to be! *Grrrrr*
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