Suburban Moms Nail Parody of "Uptown Funk"

Suburbs gonna funk you up

Suburban Moms Nail Parody of "Uptown Funk"

Apologies in advance for the ear worm. A new parody of Mark Ronson's "Uptown Funk" sees a troop of Californian moms lamenting life in the suburbs, and it's guaranteed to get those mom-toes tapping.

A former New Yorker, 40 year-old mom of two Deva Dalporto belted out the catchy tune as a means to "vent her frustration" at living in a sleepy town:
"... where we live is safe and a little boring... Got sneaks on and my yoga pants. Gotta kiss my kids; they're so pretty."
Much like this "Let it Go'" hit parody, Dalporto hits the proverbial nail when it comes to being a middle-class mom—from the trips to Starbucks and box stores to buy in bulk, right down to "we don't walk; we cruise the town in a mini-van."
"Girl Scouts selling cookies. Boys getting all sticky. Mom's on the committee. Suburban funk gonna get to ya..."

And even though Dalporto's version, played out with a little help from her mom posse, is the ultimate in SAHM privilege, I defy you not to chuckle and cringe as you see bit of yourself in the video.

You tell me: Can you relate? Does 'suburban funk' ever get to you?

Image Source: YouTube


Why "Untouched" Cindy Crawford is the Ultimate Yummy Mummy

Marie Claire Issue Goes 100% Photoshop Free

Why "Untouched" Cindy Crawford is the Ultimate Yummy Mummy

Cindy Crawford was the most drop-dead gorgeous supermodel of my day. Now, the 48 year-old mom of two is the quintessential yummy mummy. In the forthcoming April issue of Marie Claire, Crawford has deigned to go "untouched" in a photo spread as part of the fashion magazine's vow to put out an issue that's 100% (barring ads) Photoshop free. No nips, tucks, or airbrushing.

And judging by the preview image, Crawford is proof that celebrities—yes, even supermodels—aren't immune to the tests of time. Skin loses elasticity. Muscle mass decreases. It's a fact of life.

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As commenter Cheryl Friedman puts it:

"These are not flaws, they are a natural result of aging, and cannot be avoided. It will happen to everyone: supermodels, movie stars, astronauts, grade school teachers, gas station attendants." 

We know this, yet we still buy in to the fallacy that we can somehow fight - and win - the battle against time. After all, the anti-aging industry generates billions of dollars through false hope. 

Cindy is proof that by looking after yourself, exercising and eating well, you can look great at any age. But no matter who you are, you won't look 25 forever. And why should you? Many of us moms take pride in the bodies that have carried our babies. Laugh lines and wrinkles are byproducts of a life well lived, no? 

It's not about wiping out experience, but rather owning it.

Of course, some people will consciously continue to buy into the illusion. These are the same people who think that sex is exactly like it is in porn. These are the people who expect women to look like blow up dolls instead of real people.

Cindy—and by extension, Marie Claire—are true pioneers for boldly going where so few beauty and fashion magazines dare to go. Hopefully others will follow in their footsteps.

Image Source: Marie Claire


115 Year-Old Woman Reveals Unusual Secrets to Long Life

A lifestyle choice and a slimy daily ritual

115 Year-Old Woman Reveals Unusual Secrets to Long Life

When it comes to living a long life, Emma Morano has a few trade secrets. After all, the 115 year-old Italian woman is the oldest person alive in Europe, and the fifth oldest in the world. She's survived numerous changes, including two World Wars. 

To what does Ms. Morano owe her longevity? A lifestyle choice and a pretty disgusting daily ritual, that's what. Ever since she was an anemic teen, Morano has been scoffing three raw eggs every day. For those with rusty math skills, she's consumed some 100,000 slimy yolks. Clearly the cholesterol hasn't done her much harm. 

The other factor she credits with her long life? Being single. So much for dying of heartbreak and loneliness. Despite being divorced at a time when divorce was unheard of (1938), Morano never tied the knot again, though she had plenty of opportunities.

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In her words: “I didn’t want to be dominated by anyone.”

But before you go cracking any eggs, consider that much of what causes a person to live long depends largely on heredity, which is out of our control.

Morano's own sisters both lived to around the 100-year mark. For some reason, women tend to outlive men.

What's incredible is the fact that Morano still manages to live alone in a little two-room apartment surrounded by knickknacks and tributes. Her niece comes by every day and makes her two daily meals (including said eggs). 

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These days Morano gets lots of visitors, researchers-cum-pilgrims from all corners of the earth fascinated by her longevity and determined to get to the bottom of her personal fountain of youth. 

“She’s aware of the privilege of living,” said Dr. Bava, Morano's physician, who checks in on her once a month. “If all my patients were like this, I could have spent my days reading newspapers."

My stepfather's grandmother is still remarkably alert at 102. It's her body that betrays her. Her mind is nimble, but her hands and fingers are twisted to the point where she can no longer cook or dress independently and she eats small, bird-like meals.

Like Morano, she's become a minor celebrity at the nursing home where she now lives. At her bedside is a framed letter from the Queen congratulating her on her centennial.

Would you ditch the partner and down the eggs for 100+ years?