When my son was born seven years ago, 3D ultrasounds were all the rage. As with all newish tech, the pricey ultrasound was justified by the giddy, indulgent first-time parent. Actually, it was worth every penny to take home an image (and DVD!) of my son that didn't look like a 2D alien but a real, soon-to-be hatched baby.
Tech has moved on significantly since then. You can now bring that baby to life on a 3D printer well before your due date. And you can take home a plaster cast of your very own fetus to plant on the mantle and to gaze upon admiringly until the real thing comes along (and the replica grows furry with dust).
The 3D mini-baby doesn't come cheap. The UK company Baby:Boo charges around £400 ($800) for the full, eight-inch monty. But a mere £170 ($350) gets you a bust of just the head and shoulders.
Still, you can bet parents are lining up to take one of these pint-sized sculptures home. I admit, had this been around seven years ago, I probably would have bought into the trend, too.
I'm kind of glad the 3D babe wasn't available back then because I'll be honest: I'm severely allergic to dusting, and I've always been creeped out by those porcelain Pierrot dolls. Not to mention the likes of Annabelle and Chucky... The last thing I want is to be freaked out by my own unborn baby.
But maybe that's just me, and this trend is no different than having a cast of, say, a newborn's foot or hand...
If you have pregnant friends, though, don't be taken aback if one of them suddenly thrusts a teeny baby model into your hands and expects you to coo. Whatever you do, don't scream and don't drop it.
Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the best mother of them all? The one who's not yet a mother, of course. Or, in this case: a two-week old mom.
The anon woman posted a rant to a Facebook page, aptly called Sanctimommy, in which she lampoons all those lesser mortals who use kids as an excuse to be "dirty" and "lazy":
"I don't accept that with the birth of my child came the acceptance of a dirty house," she wrote in the viral post.
I don't even have anything to preface this with, other than I thought you all could use a hearty belly laugh :D
Posted by Sanctimommy on Wednesday, January 13, 2016
Anon goes on to label such parents members of the "martyr profession," prompting equal measures of hilarity and enmity among moms who've been there and know better. She goes on to humble brag that so far she has managed to keep her apartment, herself and her newborn clean and presentable, while also managing to put decent food on the table and to share QT with her partner, Jaime.
Two weeks, reader. That's exactly how long she's worn the mom moniker.
Unfortunately Anon failed to see how the brevity of her excursion into motherhood totally negates her thesis and undermines her credibility. Come back and tell us two - or 12 - years from now how immaculately together you manage to keep yourself and your home, and then we'll talk.
While I take her point that children shouldn't be blamed for truly slack or neglectful parenting, nothing turns home and personal hygiene upside down quite like little people tramping around underfoot. Honestly, I liken it to cohabitating with your very own Tasmanian devil, and precious little has changed now that my son is seven.
For years, though, I was her. I was that woman with everything 'just so' - with an apartment that was so WHITE. Even my long, satiny curtains were white. Can you even imagine?
Fast forward a few years. I got a husband. Then I got a son. Then I got a dog. Then I grew up.
I stopped beating myself up and sweating the small dust bunnies and instead learned how to live. I still have cleanliness standards - though admittedly they are much lower and I shirk from anything white - but these mostly apply when we have company over (and we rarely have company over).
As one commenter put it: "I wish I knew who she was so that I could friend her and watch her fall off that high horse."
I hope she's okay, because it's a long way down...
Show of hands who keeps a lip balm handy in every coat pocket of every coat they own... Winter is brutal on lips. But not all lip balm is created equal.
A woman is suing EOS after repeated use of their "Summer Fruit lip balm caused her to break out in a rash and blisters."
The popular egg-shaped EOS (aka Evolution of Smooth) endorsed by celebs like Kim Kardashian and Britney Spears apparently caused an adverse reaction in Rachel Cronin, she claims.
According to the class-action lawsuit, Cronin maintains that the balm dried out her lips, causing her to reapply the balm in a vicious circle. Within hours, her lips began to crack and feel like "sandpaper." The next day she had to seek medical care for "severe blistering and rashes."
RELATED: Mom Trend: The Ultrasound Party 
Printer-friendly versionEOS Lip Balm -- Customers Say, 'We'll Give You Lip, In Court!!!' https://t.co/r0ukW59832
— TMZ (@TMZ) January 14, 2016
She is suing EOS for damages, claiming the company misrepresented its use of natural and organic ingredients.
EOS, however, reassured customers that the suit was without merit, and that its balms are "99 percent natural, organic, and gluten free."
But natural and organic is often a misnomer. Dermatologists point out that such products can cause irritation and even allergic reactions in some users.
"Just because something is natural doesn't mean it is safe. Anthrax is natural but not safe," said Dr. Adam Friedman, associate professor of dermatology at George Washington School of Medicine and Health Sciences.
In other words, natural or artificial - there is no guarantee that you won't react to a given product, particularly if you have a history of sensitivity.
Then there's the temptation to lick your lips once you've coated them in a delicious-smelling balm. Licking lips can actually cause dermatitis, and saliva can lead to a bacterial or viral infection.
Dermatologists warn against lip balm addiction. Though certain ingredients - menthol, camphor, and phenol - may initially feel soothing and moisturizing, they actually dry out lips, causing you to reapply.
The cure? Petroleum jelly.
"No one has ever been shown to have a reaction to petroleum jelly," said Dr. Apple Bodemer, assistant professor of dermatology at the University of Wisconsin School of Medicine and Public Health.
If you insist on using a lip balm, Dr. Aleksandar Krunic, a dermatologist at Swedish Covenant Hospital suggests avoiding those with the following ingredients - some of which are luxe on skin but irritating on lips:
Stay tuned as the lip balm wars continue...