Stop the press! Past parenting books may need to be re-written following research that looks at the effects of praise on children.
According to the Research Institute of Child Development and Education (RICDE) at the University of Amsterdam, parents have a tendency to lavish the most praise to children with low self-esteem. The result? The children who need the most encouragement were often left unmotivated with a reduced sense of worth.
Paradoxically, the way we choose to encourage children can actually discourage them.
Lead researchers Dr Eddie Brummelman warns against praise that is conflated or exaggerated, especially in kids with low self-esteem. Praise that pertains to the person rather than the process is the least effective and can actually backfire, making kids give up or feel worse about themselves.
While inflated praise may initially make a child feel good, in the long run children may avoid tasks, lest they experience failure. In other words, kids stopped taking risks because they worried they would not live up to the hype.
The takeaway: parents and teachers should encourage effort, and always keep praise modest and realistic.
The best means to boost self-esteem in children is not through praise at all, but through warmth and attention. The idea is to value the children themselves, not their achievements.
At first glance, it seems counterintuitive to hold back on praise, especially on kids who don't believe in themselves. The mommy instinct is to lavish more compliments, more encouragement in order to convince children of their worth.
Yet this research serves as notice that maybe our well-meaning words may be doing more harm than good.
Babies take an awfully long time to hatch. So what's a mama-to-be to do in between all those excruciating contractions? Well, you could do your makeup.
Photos of a 27-year-old New Yorker who donned her 'war paint' during labour have gone viral.
Alaha Karimi is a makeup artist, so putting on her face was less about wanting to look snazzy for the afterbirth photos and more about finding a means to distract her from the agonies of childbirth.
"I was Googling ways to overcome the pain, because it was just unbearable, and one of the suggestions was to put on some music and do something you love - so that's what I did," Karimi said.
Her sister posted the pics on Instagram - to mixed reviews. While some commended her mastery of the brush, others knocked her for being vain.
"Some said I'm putting my looks before my baby's health, but in reality, anyone who's been through labour knows that it's just a waiting game," said Karimi, who got her doctor's approval before bringing out her supplies.
"There was nothing I could do."
She's absolutely right. Whether it's colouring or knitting reading or doing your nails or whatever, it's a brilliant idea for women to get stuck into an activity during the early phases of labour. Not only will doing something you love help pass the time, but it will probably keep you calm, too - a definite plus, as stress can intensify labour pains.
Personally it was a struggle just flicking through Psychology Today during my own labour.
The woman's skill is impressive. To be fair, makeup is not my thing. And if I had tried to apply anything, I'd have wound up wearing lipstick on my chin.
Congrats to Karimi, who eventually - looking gorgeous - gave birth to her first child, a daughter.
If you've ever fantasized about throwing yourself, flailing and raging, on the floor alongside your toddler, now you can.
The first rule of Tantrum Club is that you DO talk about Tantrum Club because, well, it's for women. And we like to talk things through, but sometimes talking isn't enough.
With the today's pressures, women need a safe place to thrash around and "fully express all their pent-up negative emotions in healthy and enlivening ways."
The premise of this bona fide UK-based company is that catharsis is a necessity (even if that catharsis looks like a bunch of women wielding baseball bats and smashing the crap out of bean bag chairs).
Tantrums parties are available for corporate groups, teens, and even ordinary women going through "Life Changes." It's little coincidence that such a company got its genesis in the land of the stiff upper lip, though the Club is hoping to extend beyond Britain.
The founders argue that chronic stress and emotional suppression have deleterious implications on both our health and on our lives in general.
"If you suppress your anger, your frustration or your sadness – you also suppress your joy, your happiness and your fulfillment," reads the company's website.
"Human beings don’t have a ‘dial’ which enables us to only express the emotions we would like to express. Emotions just ARRIVE and if you ignore them or suppress them, you kill off pieces of yourself in each moment you choose to rationalize an emotion."
Where women once took classes in assertiveness, anger management is not about containment; it's about free expression. Think Fight Club, but with fewer injuries and less secrecy.
RELATED: Now Your Kids Can Enjoy Fight Club Just Like You Did
Printer-friendly version