The Surprise Birthday Party

August 24, 2009

If you didn’t read about it here, Lisa (a.k.a. Party Mummy) threw me a surprise 40th birthday party.  And although she tried, she couldn’t’ get across the fun and shenanigans of the week prior to the birthday because she was busy focussing on things like “details” and “tips”.  Like whatever.  Since when did this become about her anyway?

So let’s start at the very beginning. My husband approached me a month before my birthday and said “I’d like to throw you a 40th birthday party. I’ll book the place and arrange it all if you can just give me a list of people you want to invite”

I politely declined because 40 IS JUST A NUMBER PEOPLE.  And HOW THE HELL DID I END UP MARRIED WITH TWO KIDS WHEN I HAVE THE MENTAL CAPACITY OF AN EIGHT YEAR OLD BOY WHO LIKES FART JOKES? What’s this 40 crap anyhow?

Enter Party Mummy. 

Party Mummy and I hit it off from day one much to the chagrin of her husband (who never answers the phone when I call – makes it kind of hard to plan a surprise party for her when you don’t answer the phone. Just sayin’) and my husband (who rolls his eyes to the back of his head when the phone rings and I answer it all “Hi Bee-yotch.  What’s shakin’ bacon?”)

Party Mummy and I are going to make our own movie - Dumb and Dumbererer: Rise of the Lobotomy

Apparently the exact moment Party Mummy heard I was all against having a 40th birthday party was the exact moment she decided to throw one for me. 

Like I said…Dumb and Dumbererer – let the games begin.

So yes… Party Mummy called to invite me and the fam to dinner the following Friday night but what she didn’t tell you was (a) she called to invite me about three minutes after our conversation about how I didn’t want a birthday party (so not suspicious at all Lisa) and (b) I’m a slacker answerer and it took another three phone calls before I was all “ya, we can come” which unbeknownst to me was when she was secretly calling my husband to start arranging my b-day surprise and complaining about what a loser I was because I wasn’t answering her (Word Up Lisa – me and Paul talk – we’re all homie and stuff).

At this point, Party Mummy was at home doing the washing machine dance rockin’ out to the “Sharon is a Loooooser and I am the Winnnnnnnnnner” dance when I called her. 

“What would you like me to bring for dinner Lisa”

Insert really long awkward pause here.

And I was all “Ah HA!  (jump up off chair and stab finger in air) You’re not having a dinner party are you?  This is some sort of lame-o attempt to throw a surprise birthday party for me, isn’t it?”

In Party Mummy’s defense, I’ll say she had a pretty quick recovery.  But not quick enough to put this ol’ hound dog off the trail of the birthday party mystery of 2009. I was going all Scooby Doo on her ass and there was nothing she could do about it.

The week of who can fuck with who better had officially begun.

“Hey Lisa, I’m just off to get my hair cut and highlighted for my ultra-fun, super dooper surprise party on Friday!”

“Oooooo, I hope she doesn’t make you all Pam Anderson hanging at the trailer park” she’d reply and then throw in an “I’m the worst Party Mummy EVER, I can’t believe I’m not throwing you a party.  I feel awful”

And I’d be all “That’s okay. I knew you sucked when I first met you” and go on my merry way.

Now picture this going on 18 hours a day for the next 7 days, with our husbands running phone call interference, as we tried to one-up each other. There’s been brain damage in our past, of that I’m sure.

It went on this way until I got this email from a friend... Hey Sharon! We got back from vacation on Saturday evening and I’m just catching up! Rodney mentioned that Kerri said there’s a gathering this Friday evening…can you send me the details?

Only, I wasn’t given the details to this event seeing as it was for my surprise party so I was all “OH MY GOD, MY FRIENDS ARE HAVING A GET TOGETHER AND I’M NOT INVITED AND HOLY HANNAH MONTANNA WHAT HAVE I DONE TO PISS THEM OFF THAT THEY’RE ALL HAVING FUN AND DRINKS AND SHIT AND I’M NOT INVITED”

Luckily, I called Lisa to complain.  And because I was so so sad and so so paranoid, Lisa immediately claimed family emergency, hung up the phone and called my friend Kerri to put out ze fire – (thanks for taking one for the team Kerri – I totally would have left those art supplies on my porch for you!)

Anyhoo… Friday arrives and can I say thank frickin’ be-jesus that I never go anywhere and decided to dress semi-appropriately and do my hair so I didn’t look like a crack whore?

‘Cause I walked in the door to this group of women yelling Surprise!

And it was literally like all my worlds collided.  My neighbourhood mom, “Our kids have known each other since birth, play together at the park and we talk in the school grounds friends”, my “I have known you forever and love you like my sister friend”, my “YMC work friends”, my “I married into the best family in the world friends”, and my “have met you through the internet and Twitter” friends.  Oh…and Lisa.

It was truly weird and wonderful all at once. 

So yes…in reading Party Mummy’s blog, I sound like a complete dork who had no idea what was happening and the reality is, it’s dead on.

It was one of the best moments of my life

Thanks Party Mummy.