My friend @TorturedPotato’s post Oh Naptime, We Hardly Knew Ye got me thinking about naps.
Naps didn’t happen much in our house. Not for lack of trying. There was a schedule, oh yes there was, there was the morning fresh air which meant groceries or errands or a visit to the park, or groceries and errands which culminated in a visit to the park, sometimes just groceries, park or errand, but all of the above happened on foot and with a stroller so there was fresh air and stimulation. Fresh air and stimulation being the key to naps. And schedules of course, to keep everything running on track. All the books talked about the importance of schedules.
Sometimes, not often because sleep was never my baby’s first choice, but every now and again my baby fell asleep in the stroller. The old Greek ladies in my neighbourhood looked askance at me when I’d prod the little sleepyhead awake and sing loud songs to her so that she’d stay up until we got home for naptime. Because there would be naptime, I was sure of it. All the books said there would be naptime. I was desperate for naptime.
So I followed the rules, no extra-curricular sleeping, lots of air and stimulation, a nice lunch at a regular hour and then books, a quiet cuddle and … naptime! But not often. Often there was just frustration for both of us.
Naptime was in fact almost more stress than it was worth - the reading a book, and then another one because there was still no sign of sleepiness, the oh please settling, the tiptoeing out, the MAD SCURRY BECAUSE OH MY GOD A NAP, and then the inevitable up again so soon – often there was just frustration for us both. I would end up half-showered, the laundry un-switched and quickly becoming fetid, with the baby much the same; damp, bothered, and crying* to have been abandoned like that to fret alone in her crib, both of us feeling like we had failed at something expected of us.
I learned to set up stations around the house – a quiet place, a bouncy place (God bless the Jolly Jumper, friend to mothers & their laundry piles everywhere), a reading place. The crib became a play place and maybe a sleep place. Or maybe not. Things got done. I just stopped waiting for naptime to allow me to do them.
We all lived, mostly napless, happily ever after.
* A special footnote about the crying:
You know about shaken baby syndrome. They make sure before you leave the hospital that you know about SBS. What they don’t tell you, or more accurately perhaps, what you don’t believe will really happen, is that you will be tested, you will be sleep deprived and desperate beyond reason to help your baby to sleep, nurse, settle. You will sing, walk, rock, feed and bounce for endless periods of time just so your baby will. stop. crying. You will do this over and over and over.
And yet, they will cry. So will you. In fact, you need to cry. And you need to take a moment for yourself. Even if there are no naps and no settling for hours on end and you feel like you are failing every chapter of the How To Be A Good Mother Handbook.
Over 3,600 knitted purple baby caps have been collected in British Columbia in support of a new program encouraging mothers to take a moment for themselves. On November 22, 2010 those caps will be distributed by volunteers, moms, students and knitters at a public knit–in at BC Children’s Hospital to raise awareness for the Period of PURPLE Crying: A New Way to Understand Your Baby’s Crying. Participate if you can, or simply reach out to your friend, brother, sister, niece, or neighbour with a baby and help spread the word.
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