Infamous "cheater" website Ashley Madison has been hacked. The website, marketing itself to those searching for intimate hook-ups outside their primary relationship, offer the tag line "Life's too short; Have an affair." They have their share of haters and as a monogamous woman, I'd count myself in that camp. You think I'd be laughing my ass off then that a group calling themselves "The Impact Team" claims they've gained entry into Ashley Madison's underwear as it were. The group says they now possess personal information stolen from the site's main database the likes of which could potentially ruin the lives of some "cheaters" and "adulterers." Many are cheering, saying the cheaters have it coming because turnabout is fair play, payback is a bitch, all that. But it's not that simple, and ultimately, the hacking of Ashley Madison will do more harm than good. Plus, it's illegal and wrong for about 37 million reasons - the same number of people Ashley Madison claim are enrolled to use their services.
So put down ye torches, angry villagers!
I know people have been hurt by affairs - hurt badly. I am not a person who would tolerate any outside intimacy or sexual activity well. I wake up after dreams wherein I only imagine my partner has been unfaithful and I start planning exactly how I'll commit arson on his property. Should I slash his tires or cut his brake lines before or after I scrub his toothbrush in the crack of my ass? My heart would be broken into a million pieces if he went outside our relationship and that's me only thinking about it. To be blunt, if I knew he participated at Ashley Madison I would lose my collective shit. I may defile his toothbrush after just writing this, that's how strongly I disapprove.
If you've been on the crappy receiving end of an affair then I imagine you know exactly - and better - the hurt I can only envision. Living this pain and being forced to confront it publicly would only add to the hurt and do nothing to salve it. Sure; cheaters may be outed, but at what cost to their families and employers? It's a prime example of shit running downhill - no one wins.
Before we meet in the village square for a good old-timey mob formation, we need to ask ourselves a few questions, the least among them why we are so invested in other peoples' sex lives. Frankly, I don't need your protection. I know what I like and what I don't and what I will accept and what I cannot and this was all formulated through years of being felt up in cars as a teen to finally feeling close enough to someone to discuss deeper things like preferences and fantasies. If memory serves, judgment over who does what with whom can be a slippery slope and my personal motto is do what you want with your underpants parts until it concerns my own crushed bits directly.
We gain nothing by knowing who signed up for services at Ashley Madison. If you have concerns that your spouse or partner may be a member, that is your business and can be dealt with as you see fit. This is a conversation you have the right to conduct privately, you being the cheater or the cheat-ee - except in the case of hackers disclosing private personal information like membership rosters, credit card information, personal photographs, and sexual preferences, you are not going to have the benefit of handling it privately. You're thrown to the wolves with your partner and you're in the spotlight. Why did your partner stray? Are you frigid? You don't satisfy them? It's on you now and you did nothing, Suddenly this is your problem.
Ashley Madison is a strange sort of victim because few will defend their business model, myself included. Again, my "go to" methodology upon the discovery of an affair would involve matches and a pair of scissors and lots of pants crotch-cutting. Ashley Madison said they would delete profiles from their database for a $19 fee and they did not. We don't know what brought people to that place. We don't know. Some are there no doubt with "permission" from a spouse or partner. Many were there with duplicity. But it doesn't matter. If it does matter to you, ask yourself why. Keep asking until you hit truth. Because I can't imagine why you care so much what other people are doing with their sex lives.
Hacking of personal information is illegal and a form of digital terrorism. What we think of Ashley Madison as a construct is of no matter in this case because having an affair is not illegal. It's not even a grounds for divorce in Canada, because the courts now recognize no-fault divorce. You can hate it, despise the concept, disagree vehemently with the idea of sneaking around on an unsuspecting partner and still hold the idea that what The Impact Team is doing is not okay. Apply the formula to other potentially controversial and private matters like health clinics who perform abortions or offer STD testing. We can be morally superior and actively root for the downfall of men and women who seek intimate or sexual relationships outside the bounds of their primary couplings because the fact is we don't know why they are doing so, and more than we are owed an explanation as to why some people choose abortion or require specific medical testing.
In short - if a person is fucking someone who is not you, and you are also not their regular partner, then this sex with another consenting adult is not your concern.
When we conflate morality and sexuality - and then throw in some illegal hacking activity with added privacy invasion sprinkles - we aren't just walking backwards in society, we are running.
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