When you become a parent, you end up doing and saying things you never thought you'd do or say. I'm sure this will be a growing list of things as the years go on, but I've discovered in the past twenty-one months are
FIVE THINGS I NEVER THOUGHT I'D SAY OR DO BEFORE I HAD KIDS:
1. SNOT SUCKING. Yep, hold onto your breakfast—if you have a weak stomach feel free to skip this part. But guess what? Babies and toddlers come with a lot of snot and the inability to blow their noses. WTF? Therefore, when they get stuffed up and can't breathe, it's up to you to effectively get the snot out of their wee little noses. This gadget here is by far one of my favourite contraptions. Complete with a filter and hose, you shove it up your baby's nose, and suck the snot right out. The only problem with this device? Having to pin your child down to get it in their nose in the first place. When all else fails, you can resort to what your mother gave yah—your own mouth. Sorry if you just barfed. I'm just saying, it's an option.
2. TALKING ABOUT POO, IN DETAIL. Especially with a newborn, it's important to take note of their bowel movements. How many times in a day have they pinched a loaf/dropped the kids off at the pool/dropped a deuce? What colour was it? What was the consistency? In the early days of having a newborn, your Google search will have a history that looks like this: what does it mean when my baby's poo is green? baby + constipation? seedy poop - is this normal? watery poo, what does it mean? how many times a day should a newborn poo?
3. REFERRING TO YOURSELF AS "MOMMY"...ALL THE TIME. Since you're always describing yourself to your child and narrating every single movement, you will find that even when your child is asleep you will say things like, "Hold on, Mommy just needs to get a glass of water." Even when you're talking to your husband. Or yourself.
4. "WALLS AREN'T FOR LICKING!" I lose a little faith in the evolution process every time I need to say something like this out loud, but sadly, I have uttered this exact sentence. Sigh.
5. BREASTFEEDING WHILE ON THE TOILET. Yep, I've done this. Baby awakes in the middle of the night hungry, so I begin feeding. My bladder is breaking, so... What's a mother to do? MULTI-TASK!
Now tell me, what are some things that you've said or done as a parent that you never thought you'd do? I know I'm not alone in this—so spill it!
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