This past weekend Son No. 1 had his first speed skating meet of the year. First, I'm going to preface this by saying he didn't sleep well the night before and had to be up at 6:00 to be at the rink for 7:30 a.m. Second, it's a really long day at a speed skating meet. We were there from 7:30 until 5:00 and he skated four races. It's adrenaline rush followed by sitting and waiting.
I'm not making excuses but these were definitely factors in what ensued.
Are you getting the picture that this isn't going to a good place?
I'm going to make this as short as possible. Son No. 1 had four races. In the first race (222 m), he was too nervous to do crossovers. Something he does in practices but he's still not completely comfortable doing. I so get it.
The second race (222 m ), he did crossovers but his left skate went past a puck that marks the track. He knew his foot went in and thought he would be disqualified (as did we). His brother coming in to the change room to announce 'your skate went inside the puck, you're disqualified' certainly didn't help matters. While I admonished Son No. 1 for hitting his brother with the skate guard, Son No. 2 sort of deserved it. That's all I'm saying about that.
This is where it started to go downhill. He was upset that he was disqualified (but he wasn't.) and it threw off his confidence. There were 'almost' tears and he was afraid to do crossovers in the next race.
Enter Race No. 3 (333 m). He didn't do crossovers, his foot crossed the puck again. His time wasn't great. He was afraid of falling.
Let me just say here and now, his dad and I don't shiv a git if he wins a race. It's all about personal best and trying to get better each time. If he's trying, we're happy.
After the third race, he was on the brink of tears and angry feelings were being taken out on those he loves best. He wanted to be on his own so I let him but I finally walked over and talked to him about how he was feeling. And then I launched into a story about how I was afraid to drive after we were in the head on collision and that I didn't want to drive but I forced myself to because the longer I waited the worse it would get and if he didn't do crossovers in the next race it may be one of those things that weighs on his mind and he might feel better if he did crossovers and fell than if he didn't do them at all and it's not about winning the race but beating your personal best and BLAH BLAH BLAH.
BECAUSE WHAT DO I KNOW?
I've clearly entered the realm of BEING THE STUPIDEST PARENT ALIVE. I know this because of the eye rolls and looks of disdain. I ran into another mom who's son has been skating at the same club for about eight years. I told her what happened and she asked if Son No. 1 could sit with her while her son raced. I said yes and asked if she could maybe talk to him about how her son had fallen in races but got back up and kept going.
Off they went and when I looked over to where they were sitting, Son No. 1 was smiling and laughing. It didn't matter what I said to him yesterday, he wasn't going to listen. But he hung on this mom's every word.
It appears that I have entered the phase of the stupidest, most annoying person on the planet (or as my son calls me for short, mom) earlier than expected.
Son No. 1 skated the fourth race and did crossovers. And he fell. Then he got back up again and kept skating. I couldn't have been more proud. He didn't just do crossovers, he crossed a mental barrier and THAT is a difficult thing to do.
Son No. 1 is a good good kid. I mean really GOOD. He's kind, smart, polite and a person I'm extremely proud of. Yesterday was a blip, albeit difficult blip, on the radar screen.
We spent the rest of the night sitting on the couch, talking about what happened throughout the day. What he learned, the parts of the day where he was proud of himself and the parts where he wasn't. We talked about this guy and what kind of trophy we would give him if we could (for the record: Most Perserverence). We talked about how I feel insecure and afraid sometimes when I skate and what I do to get past it. Together we read some of my posts from Speed Skating Mom. There was a lot of me running my fingers through his hair and hand holding.
And then he told me how next time he's just going to try his hardest and not going to get so frustrated if he doesn't do well or makes a mistake.
So maybe I'm not so stupid after all.
At least until tomorrow.
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