I want you to listen very very closely as you read this blog. If you listen hard enough, I do believe you’ll hear Erica closing the door on letting me have free reign on my blog topics from this point forward.
Today I’m writing about poop.
And not my kids’ poop, mine.
About a month ago, I was asked to speak on a panel at Blissdom. My first reaction was panic, complete with heart palpitations and a flushed face. As the weeks passed and I did my research, wrote my notes and walked around the house talking out loud to myself, unfortunately the norm for me, I had convinced myself I was going to be Aaaay-okay *thumbs up Fonzerelli*
Unfortunately your body knows what your brain blocks. Thus, the diarrhea I developed the week of.
Bad diarrhea.
Like lose four pounds in four days bad. And, I might add, not conducive for sitting in a hot tub with a bunch of women I was meeting for the first time. Some who, for whatever strange reason, were excited to meet me. Clearly they have no inkling as to WHAT A DOOFUS I AM IN REAL LIFE. Like for reals.
My know-me-in-person friends will only be too glad to share the extent of my doofiness.
Like how I tell random Chevy Cruz drivers I have diarrhea. It’s not like I set out to do it, it’s that I’m lacking some sort of censorship button in my brain and it comes tumbling from my mouth before I’ve had a chance even think about it.
I am a woman who has diarrhea from both ends, people!
During the last Blissdom session, Building Your Brands and Beyond, Erica said at one point – just be yourself, if you’re a bitch, be a bitch but don’t apologize for it. This isn't verbatim - I tried to go back in the #BlissdomCanada tweets but after about 20 minutes I gave up, plus Erica is going to hit the word poop in the second line and stop reading so I don’t really have to worry about her getting to the part where I make up shit she said.
The point is….I’m not going to apologize for who I am. What you read on my blog and see on twitter is who I am – what you see is what you get. I’m a loyal friend, who works her ass off, I struggle with balance and occasionally, my kids drive me crazy. I like wine, I like to laugh and have the maturity level of a nine year old boy. If there’s an inappropriate joke to be made, I not only cross that line, I back up about 20 feet and then run like to hell to leap over it. I struggled with an eating disorder for 12 years and had post partum depression with both my kids - I got through both using humour. I want everyone to like me and feel sick when someone doesn’t. I'm patient and yet also bitchy. I can be crass and yes, I curse. There have been repercussions because of my blogging curses, and I chose to accept them.
I don’t apologize for any of it, I can’t. It’s who I am. If you’re going to like me, you’re going to like me for me…diarrhea included.
And if you don’t? You can kiss my….well, you know.
But it may be difficult. Chances are I'm sitting on a toilet.
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