Transcript of What Really Happens When Parents Try to Have Secret Sex

It's a game played by exhausted parents around the country—trying to have sex without your kids barging in.

It's a game. A high-stakes, no-mistakes game of cat and mouse. A game requiring steely nerves and cunning strategy. A forbidden game that many adults are forced by nature to play.

A game known to scores of parental units as Secret S-E-X... Shhhhh...

Ah, yes, the Secret... shhhhhhhh... Sex Sessions.

Here's a typical transcript:

"What are the kids doing?"

"I set the up with a video. We're good..."

"Got 'em a snack?"


"Poured Ava some milk?"


"Why are you wearing so many clothes?"

"Come here you."

*mmmmmm... smmmmooch... mmmm*

"Do you hear something?"

"What? No..."

*MmMMmmMmmm... smoooooooch*

"Did you lock the door?"


"The door?...Did you lock it..."

"No..." *mmmmmm... smooch*

"Can you?"

"Okay, okay... geez. There. All locked up..."

"You sure...?"

"Of course, I'm sure..."

"Come here big guy. You look stiff. Do you need a rub?"

"Yes please..."


"What was that?"

*MMMMMM* "...What?"

[Loud hoarse whisper] "I thought you said you locked the door?"

"I'm sure I...oh crap..."

"Someone's coming! Get off..."

"I was trying..."


[Mom's nice voice] "Hi, honey what do you need?"

This Saturday's score...The Kids 1 - Mummy and Daddy 0.

Next Saturday's game postponed due to a trip to grandma's house.




RELATED: Empower Yourself to Create a Better Sex Life

Greg Shannon is the son of a Saskatchewan farmer. His mom is beautiful and thinks Greg sells insurance. After a two year adventure in Ag college, Greg took the next logical life step and became a full time, radio practitioner.

Greg was born in 1967 and likes to sleep. When he’s up, he’s either on the radio or trying to think of ways to help and occasionally harass his four children. Yes, Greg’s wife is a saint…and beautiful…and never, ever late…ever. As you know, Kids Are Expensive so please e-mail Greg with your Visa Card number.