The first time I tried to consciously teach my son the joy of compassion was a cold Saskatchewan day close to Christmas. He was three.

At my urging he chose a toy to give away to someone less fortunate. I steered him towards the clanging, speeding train that some aunt who’d never had children gave him. He’s almost 12 now. He still remembers the trauma. My approach to teaching altruism was an annual dive into the toy box to get rid of clutter to make way for the new clutter coming down the chimney on Dec. 25.

I had heard about those families who seem to live the compassionate life all year long. They spearhead the neighbourhood soup kitchen, their children not only have lemonade stands to benefit the poor, but they grow the lemons themselves. I wanted our home to be a little more like that.
We set out to be more deliberate (and perhaps less cruel) about how our home fosters compassion in our three children.

It is definitely a day-in, day-out, year round endeavor. But Christmas is the perfect time of year to get started.

Think about what’s under the tree
There have been moments at Christmas when I have thought “This is nuts!” Our kids, who already have too much, just got even more. The way we did Christmas did not fit with what we said was important in our lives the rest of the year: caring for the poor, protecting the environment, and not gathering stuff for stuff’s sake.

We have made a decision to limit the number of gifts we give our children. We now buy fewer (three each), but better quality gifts. (Important but sobering note: this doesn’t necessarily save you any money.)

We give each child a dollar limit (usually $50 each) and hand them World Vision’s gift catalogue. They each choose an item they would like to “spend” their money on in lieu of the gifts they have “given up.” Sometimes, they decide to pool their allotment to purchase something bigger. We call up World Vision’s 1-800 line and the kids each get on the phone to individually order their gift. We’ve gotten lucky with each call and spoke to a World Vision staff member who gushed over my children’s generousity. Gushing helps.

Clearly, we’re not alone. Calgary already embraces this unique catalogue, to the tune of $958,165 dollars spent on more than 13, 300 items last year — things like goats and pigs and other items that can help change the lives of the poor around the world. And used as a tool in our homes at Christmas, can change the hearts of our own kids.

This simple idea has transformed how we do Christmas. It wasn’t only cutting back; it was intentionally giving more to others, and empowering our children to make important giving decisions. Talking it through every year and applauding the difference that their generousity is making in the world has helped our kids accept this new tradition. The gift catalogue is also a treasure-trove of gifts for people like teachers, babysitters and relatives that your kids can help choose.

Reach out…without flipping out over a too busy schedule
There is no shortage of opportunities to volunteer and give at Christmas with your children. There is a huge shortage of time available to do that as already busy schedules fill up even more with pageants, parties and trips to the mall. Give yourself permission to be ruthless with your schedule. Hold up every activity to the scrutiny of a few good questions: Why am I doing this? What is the worst thing that can happen if I don’t do it? Can we do this after Christmas when things are slower? It is amazing how much time can be freed up in your Christmas calendar and transformed into truly quality time with your children, engaging in conscious acts of compassion.

Ruth Mackenzie is president of Volunteer Canada. “Everyone is busy,” says Ruth. “That’s why family volunteering is a great answer to that.” Time spent reaching out at Christmas is precious time spent together.

Involving your children in activities like delivering goodies to shut-ins, carolling at a senior’s home, or helping to sort through the extra flood of food usually donated to local charities this time of year, shifts the focus of Christmas from getting to giving.

Christmas compassion boot-camp
There’s no better way to raise a compassionate child than by treating that very child with compassion in the home, especially at Christmas when the stress over the cat climbing the Christmas tree can put everyone over the edge.

Sara Dimerman is a therapist based in Thornhill, Ont. She says that growing compassion in your child has a lot to do with modelling it yourself. “You need to teach compassion by example and not by lecturing. If parents work harder at being compassionate, you show your children how to be compassionate,” she explains.

The stress of Christmas can turn even the best parent into an eggnog-chugging Grinch. But have compassion on your child and watch compassion grow in your child.

This goes for siblings too. Remind a child of the humanity of their brother as they hit him over the head with the manger from your nativity scene. Call upon the golden rule as they duke it out over the Wii. You will be planting seeds that will, eventually, bloom into compassion in the life of your child.

Christmas all year-round
As chief cookie-maker and turkey-stuffer the thought of “doing Christmas” all year round gives me nightmares. But the thought of consciously nurturing compassion in my children all year round? That is my dream. When you open your eyes to see them, the opportunities are all around us to teach our children compassion every day. Especially at Christmas.

"