April 14, 2010

Saying “No” to your kids is probably a bit easier for the Mama of Many. We simply can’t buy them all the crap they want or give in to their tantrums. It’s just not practical.

But in light of a couple of recent incidents, I think maybe it’s time for all the mamas to rally together and commit to saying “No” to our kids more frequently.

The first incident happened at a toy store. In spite of me telling my four-year-old she was not getting a particular toy, she had a meltdown, at which point I reminded her that the meltdown removed any chance of her ever getting that toy. As we were leaving the store, the manager came over to me and said how nice it was to see a parent say “No” to a child and mean it. I was shocked – it’s a toy store, surely kids are constantly being denied toys? Apparently not – the manager reported some weak attempts at saying “No” by parents, but a tantrum inevitably leads to child getting toy.

My sister relayed an incident she witnessed in a children’s clothing store last week. An 8-year-old freaked out for a ridiculous amount of time demanding that her mother buy her a dress. What was the mother’s response to the outrageous behaviour? Rather than purchasing the dress right then and there, she would only put it on hold, making the daughter wait a whole 15 hours before coming back and buying her it. What would my response have been? I would have purchased the dress and we would have stopped on the way home to dump it in the clothing donation bin. Any more carry-on by an 8-year-old would have resulted in a complete fancy dress closet clear-out.

I have a friend whose parents were new to Canada and were overwhelmed by how privileged their kids were – indeed, they were afraid of what that privilege would create. Their top priority was to raise humble and appreciative kids. As a result, my friend heard “No” a lot.

My friend reminded me of her doll story. As a child, she requested that her mother replace her dolly with a fancy new one. Mother and daughter promptly hopped in the car and started off for the mall to buy a new doll – or so my friend thought. Instead, they arrived at a women’s shelter where my friend was instructed to hand her doll over to a child who would love and appreciate it. That was the last doll my friend ever owned.

Sad story? Not really. I think it’s one of the best stories I know. Even better is how my friend and her siblings turned out.

So next time your kid has a tantrum at the toy store, say “No” and mean it. If you think that watching your little kid have a tantrum in public is embarrassing, imagine how you’ll feel in a few years watching how your adult children behave when they don’t get their way. 

Labels/Tags: julie cole, the baby machine, mom of many, mabel's labels, tantrums, just say no

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