July 21, 2010

Daddy-o and I just celebrated our 12th anniversary. When I say we “celebrated”, I use the term loosely – there was no romantic candle light dinner or date night. In fact, the tradition in our busy lives is to be reminded that it’s our anniversary when my mother-in-law phones us in the evening to congratulate us for surviving another year.

Although no fancy anniversary celebrations take place, Daddy-o and I have a heck of a lot to celebrate. We’ve packed quite a bit of adventure, fun and love into our 12 years. We’ve accomplished many things together including welcoming six kids into the world, going through our son’s autism diagnosis and treatment, having both his parents experience cancer, and of course the birth of Mabel’s Labels, which I started seven years ago with three friends.

But the real reason I feel like celebrating? Because we’ve had a few surprise friend/acquaintance divorces in the past few months. Coincidentally, in every case, it has been instigated by the woman who, at about 40 years old, is feeling less than invigorated by her relationship. Each husband has been left shocked and devastated. All of the women involved have kids and all agree that their soon to be ex-husbands are awesome guys.

Daddy-o and I have managed to dodge the divorce bullet without much effort. Apparently it’s a bit remarkable since kids add stress to marriage and we have six of them. In addition, when you throw a kid with autism into the mix, your marriage is statistically at greater risk. All this activity in our lives has left little room for boredom, but there seem to be all these “boredom break-ups” happening around me. It makes you wonder:
Does boredom warrant throwing in the towel on a marriage that seems to be otherwise working?
We only have one life, so does staying with someone you’re not totally “passionate” about mean you’re not living life to the fullest?
Is it fair to use “passion” as a measurable while you’re raising small children?
Can you just “decide” to be happy? And if so, is that a cop out? Is it phony to be leading a happy life because you decided to, not because you actually are?

As all these questions were swirling around in my head, I came across an interesting blog post written by a mama friend whose mother left their family when she was a child because of boredom.

So – what are your thoughts? Clearly we can only really know what is going on in our own marriages so there’s no point in speculating about other people’s families. But from your perspective – is there a good time to call it quits on a marriage, and when is that?

Me and Daddy-o hanging out back before we got hitched and had a truckload of kiddos.

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Labels/Tags: Julie Cole, the Baby Machine, Mama of Many, Mabel's Labels, marriage

Posted by JulieC at 09:42:43 View Comments | Click Here to Comment

July 07, 2010

A mama friend of mine was recently out of town and standing in line for a ride at an amusement park. Ahead of her were two mamas chatting away. One casually mentioned that she thought it would be difficult to have a big family. The other one then responded:

“Well did you know that woman who owns Mabel’s Labels has SIX kids. How AWFUL must that be? Gawd, her life must be so AWFUL. And one of them is AUTISTIC! I just can’t imagine.” The conversation carried on similarly.

My friend was tempted to intercept and say something, but decided to just let it go. Everyone is allowed their opinions. I mentioned this little incident on Twitter and my community rallied around and expressed their shock and disappointment at such comments.

But I’m not annoyed – I suppose I’m just surprised that as I live my happy and love-filled life, an outsider could attach the word “awful” to it. Twice. OK, maybe the passing judgment on raising a child with autism thing is a bit annoying.

Whether you have one kid or six, we all have really tough days with our children. But I would not describe even those days as “awful”.

So what is my reaction? I feel sorry that these moms maybe don’t enjoy their beautiful kids as much as I enjoy mine. I feel sad that they see children as a burden – interrupting and interfering with mama’s life. I’ve learned that no matter how you live your life, people will have their own perceptions and willingly share them. And most importantly, it’s a good reminder that you’d better watch what you say – people around you may just know who you’re talking about!

Nothing awful about these six beauties!

Labels/Tags: Julie Cole, the Baby Machine, Mama of Many, Mabel's Labels, kids

Posted by JulieC at 14:26:40 View Comments | Click Here to Comment

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