Bikini waxing is not a new thing. Wikipedia defines bikini waxing or pubic depilation as the removal of body hair in and around the pubic area. In North America, full pubic waxing has only just become fashionable and is known as the Brazilian bikini wax.
There are images in movies and men's magazines of neatly manicured groin areas. I don't generally feel the need to conform to the latest trends but every once and a while Mummy needs to do something that makes her feel sexy.
I should have known better, but hindsight is 20/20. I have sensitive skin, reddish hair, freckles and a fair complexion. My skin seems to have the structural integrity of a soap bubble. I have given myself serious cuts just stuffing envelopes.
This slipped my mind a few months ago. After talking with a friend about her Brazilian wax, I thought I'd look into it. I'd heard the commercials on the radio about laser hair removal. The idea of not having to tend to certain things ever again was tempting, but spending that kind of money on my groin just didn't make sense. Waxing seemed like a more cost effective alternative, albeit not permanent.
I made an appointment at the shop where my friend went. You need to have a bit of “growth” for the wax to work so I booked it for a few weeks later. The anticipation was killing me, okay it was itching me. When day arrived I was really looking forward to it. I knew it wasn't going to be pleasant, but I've had four babies, how bad could it be???
The office was nice. Calm and peaceful, the aesthetician made me feel comfortable. She is a relative of my friend and we chatted about people we both know. The first couple of strips were fine. They hurt but nothing I couldn't handle. I didn't have the urge to scream out the names of any American Idol winners. She worked carefully for a few minutes. And then it happened. She was getting into the more ‘sensitive' areas. At first it was okay, and then it wasn't. Holy Mother F**cker, that hurt. The aesthetician said “Did that hurt??” quickly followed with “Oh you're bleeding a little bit”. I'm what?????
I suffered through the rest of the procedure. She thankfully realized she shouldn't do the same thing on the other side. It hurt, but I didn't really know what was going on down there. Afterwards I was given a sample of cream and told to keep some Vaseline on the spot that was bleeding for the rest of the day.
Before I left she asked me if I wanted to book my next appointment. No thanks!! I was home for about an hour when it started to really hurt. The situation seemed to need some investigation. My husband was nice enough to volunteer to check for me. How bad could it be? Besides he is a firefighter and is used to seeing blood and guts.
The look on his face told me it wasn't good. With a quick intake of breath he said “that looks like it hurts!” I pulled out a handheld mirror, I steeled myself, took a deep breath and looked. OMG!!!! I had an episiotomy while giving birth to my first. It required stitches and me sitting on a plastic donut for a few days. In the mirror I saw what looked like a vertical episiotomy. And it was still bleeding. My husband suggested that I might need stitches. I could just see it. Me in the ER explaining why I needed my hoo-ha stitched up. No thanks.
It bled for the rest of the day. I started thinking that the results that I had suffered for would be gone before I had a chance to “enjoy” them. It took a week for it to heal. What happened was the wax being removed pulled my tender bits to the point of no return and the skin tore. It resulted in an inch long tear. I have a scar now to remind me to never do anything that stupid again. Another friend of mine was coincidentally going for her first round of laser hair removal treatments and told her aesthetician what had happened to me. She was told that while not common it does happen.
I heard recently that the state of New Jersey was looking at banning bikini waxing. I thought I wasn't alone in my pain but then learned the proposed law was due to unsanitary practises. Regardless I would support a similar law if ever proposed here. The moral of this story is.... I would rather wield a 4 blade razor than go through what I went through for a few weeks of “no landscaping required”.