I distinctly remember my first intrusive thought during pregnancy. My partner and I were in the kitchen, preparing a made-from-scratch pizza dinner. As he removed the pizza from the oven I grabbed the pizza slicer from the drawer. Looking down at the sharp blade the thought crossed my mind:
“What if I accidently sliced my stomach – and cut my unborn baby?
I was hit with a graphic and gory visual image. I could feel my heart beating and pulse race.
Immediately, the mama-part of me was shocked and disturbed. Why was I having this horrible thought and how could I make it go away! What was wrong with me?
Luckily, the mental health therapist part of me quickly took over with reassurance and education.
“Okay; right. That was an intrusive thought. Let it go.”
Intrusive thoughts of harm to your baby can be confusing and scary.
Research suggests that many new moms (65-90%) experience unwanted thoughts of harm related to their newborns. These thoughts, known as intrusive thoughts, can involve unintentional harm (i.e. accidentally dropping baby, SIDS death, drowning, etc.). They may also involve seeing oneself as the perpetrator of harm (i.e. suffocating baby, putting baby in the microwave, sexually molesting baby, etc.). They are often graphic and violent. Not surprisingly, many new moms are distressed by these thoughts and don’t talk about them.
Go figure, eh?
As new moms we face incredible pressure to have only “positive” (i.e. loving and nurturing) thoughts about our babies. In response to these thoughts we may feel shame (“I am a BAD mom”), and worry (“What if I act on these thoughts?”).
Let’s dispel the myths. Intrusive thoughts are common and most often not problematic. There is no research associating them with increased risk of child abuse or neglect amongst healthy new moms. In fact, these thoughts may be adaptive – see below!
There are multiple theories to explain intrusive thoughts including stress and sensitivity to external threat cues. Stress is an unavoidable feature of having a baby (!), and new moms benefit from being more sensitive to threats (think mama-bear instinct and survival). It makes sense these thoughts are so common!
It is important to highlight that intrusive thoughts can be a sign of depression and anxiety.
Approximately 40% of women with postpartum depression experience intrusive thoughts. They may also be a symptom of obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), which approximately 3-4% of postpartum women experience. Although the content of the thoughts is the same in women with and without mental health challenges, the difference exists in how frequently the thoughts occur, the level of distress they cause, and how easily they are dismissed.
A new mom with mental health challenges may describe these thoughts as frequent and very upsetting. She may be unable to put the thoughts aside, and may feel compelled to perform certain rituals or behaviours. Examples include obsessively checking baby due to thoughts of SIDS, avoiding bathing baby due to fear of molestation, or repetitively praying due to fear of harm befalling baby, etc.) .
We’ve all heard the stories in the media. A mom suffering from severe mental illness harms her baby. Stories of infanticide are horrible, and luckily very rare.
Postpartum psychosis occurs in 0.1% of childbearing women. Symptoms include hallucinations (seeing or hearing things that aren’t there), delusions (incorrect beliefs), and/or paranoia. Women experiencing psychosis frequently appear extremely agitated, have bizarre behaviours, and may be extremely detached or preoccupied. They may also appear oddly euphoric and unable to sleep.
Women with this illness may have thoughts of harming their infant. The difference is that they do NOT usually feel disturbed by the thoughts, and may feel compelled to act on delusions and harm their baby.
Postpartum psychosis is a medical emergency that requires immediate psychiatric attention. If you think someone you care about is experiencing this illness seek help now.
New dads may experience intrusive thoughts with the same frequency and of the same content as moms. Subjectively, however, dads may find them less disturbing than moms if they feel they are able to control them.
To my knowledge there is no research looking at the experiences of same-sex parents or parents that do not identify as “mom” or “dad”. I assume that rates of intrusive thoughts would be similar.
New parents and parents-to-be should receive education regarding intrusive thoughts and be screened for more serious mental health challenges.
Questions or concerns about intrusive thoughts? Talk to your help care provider for support.
Previously published at LindsayWitton.com
Research sources available at link above.
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