If you are one of the millions of Yummy Mummies parenting a special needs child, or know someone who is, then you also know the fear, guilt, and exhaustion that can come with this territory.
Mothers of special needs children are often overwhelmed and overextended both physically and emotionally, while they must still try to give their best – whatever is left of it – to their husbands, well children, and extended families. There are days it’s enough to make you want to join the circus, or just sit in the backyard with a pitcher of martinis.
But of course, you can’t. So how do you stay Yummy when you are this Mummy?
Here are 8 answers from my own Yummy Mummy who is now 76 years old and has raised four children, two of them with a chronic, life-threatening illness... Cystic Fibrosis.
Share important information and understanding regarding care programs with your whole family, and close friends. Don’t be shy to ask for help – like a night off for some hot motel sex! And when help arrives, don’t spend all your time and energy hovering or directing them – go do what you need to do!
If friends or extended family have unfair expectations of you, tell them to go jump in a lake. You must do what is right for your family, and not what others expect. Remember that you will never be the same as everyone else, so don't try.
Remember that you are husband and wife first. How the marriage is nurtured will preserve your union and reflect on the care for both the disabled child and your well children.
Develop your sense of humour. Let the housework suffer a little, and create some fun instead. Have silly hat day, family dance party, or pillow fights!
When you feel overwhelmed with the demands of treatments, care, housework, cleaning, and outside commitments, STOP (Sit, Think, Observe, Plan) and regroup. This may take several days but it will pay off in clearer thinking and happiness.
Recognize that you can’t control life by being afraid of it. Fear separates you from your abilities. It does not protect you, nor will it alter an outcome. Instead, focus on your power to choose your response to any given situation – you can choose faith over fear, hope over despair, and allow yourself moments of joy even in the midst of sorrow.
One of the good things about dealing with illness or disability is that it forces you to prioritize, but don’t burden yourself with a lot of “shoulds” that foster guilt. Know your limitations, focus on your strengths. Get your nails manicured and then hang on with them, one day, one hour, or one minute at a time.
Make forgiveness a practice in your home – starting with yourself.
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