They’re cranky, mostly non-verbal, unreasonable, demanding, and totally egocentric.
Toddlers? Or teenagers? Actually…both. Johnny Depp once said that his two-year-old was like an angry drunk, careening about the house, smashing into furniture and making outrageous demands. I think this is true. A teenager is more like the angry drunk the next morning.
With kids ranging in age from six to 17, two boys and two girls, I’ve seen almost all the moods and stages that kids go through from infanthood through to being a young adult. Kids at any age are demanding; every parent knows this. But these two ages (of toddler and teen) seem to be the most difficult to get through – or to understand.
Hormones are the key driver for teenage angst, while likely an uncomfortably full diaper might be driving your toddler crazy, but the you-know-what hits the fan in pretty similar ways. For example, to both teens and toddlers Moms are annoying. VERY annoying, due mostly to our insistence on doing things in a reasonable manner.
To the two-year-old:
“But sweetie I just put your boots on and we have to go NOW or we’ll be late. Stop it. Stop taking them off. Yes I know Mummy didn’t put them on the right way. If you take them off I’m taking away your blanket. Don’t you dare throw that boot at me. Ow!”
To the teenager:
“I just bought you a pair of new jeans last week. Put them on before we go to Grandma’s. No, you can’t wear those torn sweat pants. Change them now. If you don’t change them I’m taking away your video games. Don’t you dare slam that door young man. Ow!”
Both two-year-olds and teenagers think that they know everything, and that everything they say is right. This causes them to make fairly ridiculous statements.
Exhibit A:
The Toddler: Chocolate milk only tastes good in the blue plastic cup.
The Teen: You make food that I hate on purpose.
The Toddler: It’s my truck because I touched it first.
The Teen: You promised me you would buy a jacket I liked. ANY jacket.
The Toddler: I don’t have to clean up my toys. You do it.
The Teen: Why do you care if my room is messy? It’s MY room.
The Toddler: I hate the stupid baby.
The Teen: I hate my stupid sister.
The Toddler: I like Daddy better.
The Teen: Dad told me I could.
The Toddler: It’s not fair!
The Teen: It’s not fair!
The Toddler: Mooooooommmy!
The Teen: Mooooootheeerrrrr!
A few years ago I heard a comedian say that when her own teenage son spewed out the classic line of “So why’d you have me then?” in the midst of a heated discussion, she replied “Well I didn’t know it was going to be YOU.”
When they’re a toddler WE’RE just discovering who they are. When they’re a teen, they’re just discovering who THEY are. And during the whole process, as parents, we’re discovering why our own parents knew the biggest threat they could give us was “Wait until you have children of your own.
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