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Up until our son Lucas was born six months ago, I prided myself on having good communication with my husband. Sure, we had our share of disagreements and spats, but overall, we shared our feelings both good and bad.
That was until the little one came along. Being at home on maternity leave was a new experience for me, not to mention caring for this crying, pooping bundle of joy. But as many other mothers have told me, it is trial and error to find out what is right for your baby, what works to soothe him when he's crying; what toys he likes, and what silly sounds make him laugh.
So imagine my surprise when my husband home in the evenings and on weekends didn't know exactly what to do. I found myself saying "No honey, not like that, like THIS" over and over again. How come he doesn't innately know what Lucas wants and needs? I found myself getting frustrated that I had to do everything because I was the only one who knew how or what to do.
That frustration was creeping into our relationship, both with the tone of voice I used and my behaviour towards my husband. Then it dawned on me. He doesn't know what to do with Lucas because I haven't shown him what to do.
I have the privilege of being with our son all day, testing out different solutions and I can't expect my husband to know what do if I didn't share it with him. My frustration was all my own doing as I hadn't proactively shared my learning about this new little being.
So now, if I've made a new discovery, I share it with my husband that evening so that he can benefit and I am sure to give him one-on-one time with Lucas so he can make his own discoveries and share them with me.