I'm Sorry for EVERYTHING

A New Mother's Open Apology

I have always been the type of woman who did not apologize for her actions. For better or worse, I stridently pronounced that "What You See Is What You Get" with me. Heart on my sleeve and without a censor, I have known my mind and I have not thought twice.

I have lived each (most) days fully. I have talked to strangers. I have followed my heart. And just like the mantra, I have Danced, Knowing full well that EVERYONE was watching.

I have even sampled being the person who wanted other people to apologize. I have been the person who stopped the dinner party dead by saying: "Excuse me, your joke has just offended my friend, I think you owe them an apology." It was excruciating. I confess that I have never done anything like that again.

But I am here to confess something else too. I Have Changed. I have lost sight of who I really am, of what I really believe in.

I am a Mum now, and I apologize for everything. EVERYTHING.

I work in television. I host Breakfast Television for Citytv. They have given me every freedom in deciding when I would take time off, when I would come back, and every day they give me a 4 hour live show and have never once told me what to say or how to say it. I know how lucky I am.

But our show thrives on feedback. From viewers, our colleagues, our community. And nothing polarizes peoples' opinions like Motherhood.

I'm sorry I took so much time off of work, perhaps I should have taken less Mat. Leave. I'm also sorry my daughter was so much younger than the other kids at your daycare, and needs her own set of activities. Perhaps I should have taken more Mat. Leave.

I'm sorry I tell too many stories about my daughter on the air. Yes, I do realize I am not the first woman in the world to give birth. I'm also sorry I don't give the viewers enough regular updates about Chloe's progress and milestones. Yes, I do realize you have an emotional investment in our show and I am letting you down.

I am sorry I continued to breastfeed my child once I returned to work. My engorged chest was offensively sexual and I apologize. I'm also sorry I gave up after 6 months because it was just too hard. Yes, I realize I may have robbed her of essential nutrients and she may never recover.

I'm sorry I worked my behind (literally) off and managed to lose 30 lbs in three months. I understand this sets an unrealistic precedent for many women and I am being a poor role model. I'm also sorry I am not back down to my original weight 10 months later. I know, if you wanted to see rolls around a midriff you could hang out at the mall, and you expect more of me.

But most of all, I am sorry I have felt sorry. What a waste of time, energy and emotion. Becoming a Mum has been the most wonderful /overwhelming/ fulfilling/ scary/liberating thing that has ever happened to me and there is absolutely nothing about it I would change. I have made the best decisions I could, at the time that I made them. I won't look back.

I am sorry, but I am done apologizing. And that's the last sorry you're going to get out of me.

Wendy Sandwith was born in Ontario, but made Edmonton her home in may 2004. She is happy to finally put down roots after living in places as diverse as St. John's, NFLD, Houston TX, Northern Ireland, Finland, and Austria.

It was during this time she realized how much she had grown to rely on the Media to keep her connected to the news and events back home. Wendy knew she wanted to be a part of that world, and after completing her psychology degree at Wilfrid Laurier University, enrolled in the Journalism program at Seneca College at York University.

When the opportunity arose to be the morning Weather Host in her husband's home town of Edmonton, Wendy jumped at the chance. It was here she honed her "gift for gab", which she puts to good use every day on Breakfast Television.