I compare my philosophy of dating to visiting Baskin-Robbins where I ordered vanilla for 20 years (maybe it was Rocky Road at the end!). While I enjoyed vanilla, I want to try new flavors. And I didn’t want to jump from vanilla and make a commitment to butter pecan without having tasted a little pistachio, chocolate, mint chip, and more.
So I made a list of men I’d like to “try” (just like I “try” ice cream flavors).
I like smart men, so wanted to “try” a lawyer, doctor, CEO, and venture capitalist. I like large men, so wanted to “try” an ex-pro football player and ex-pro basketball player. I love men with accents, so wanted to “try” some who came from foreign countries. You get the picture. I landed dates with all of the above and many more.
In the beginning I even gave my guys names of ice cream flavors. Butter Pecan for the PhD in electrical engineering because he was interesting and refined. Double Dip Chocolate with nuts for the fun-loving, 6-foot-9, black former pro-basketball player. Bubblegum for the 32-year-old movie date. Jamoca Almond Fudge for the Caribbean-born gentleman. Cafe Olay for the Brazilian salsa dancer. Passionfruit for the good kisser. Chunky Monkey for the chubby, hairy one. Hunka Burnin’ Fudge—well, you can guess that this one was eye candy!
But I quickly ran out of nicknames, as I had more guys than Baskin-Robbins had flavors. Even borrowing from Ben and Jerry, I was burning through flavors faster than a double dip on a sweltering August day.
So I encourage you to “try” dates with men you might have turned away if you’d strictly adhered to your list of desired traits. Some of my favorite treasures have come from going out with men who wouldn’t have been on my radar screen before. (A 6-foot-9 guy? “No way,” I used to think. But Double Dip Chocolate has become one of my dearest pals—as well as one of the best kissers I know!)
So don’t limit your choices of flavors too much. Yes, those you date need to have the same values as you. But who cares if a man who lists himself as “athletic” in his profile is 40 pounds overweight? Extra weight can be shed, but integrity, intellect, thoughtfulness, respect, and caring are embedded. You can’t change that.