I have never written about my marriage, my ex, or how it ended—I am a pretty private person. I have a very public gig as the Weather Specialist on CHCH's Morning Live, and when I am off-camera, I am generally off the radar. Recently, the fabulous Erica Ehm was in to chat about organizing your life for fall. We clicked instantly in the green room, and she encouraged me to share a chapter of my story: the ending of my marriage and my bold new life. "I am a single mom, hear me roar," she joked—not far from the truth, really. It is amazing to see how scared I was once my relationship ended and how far I have come in eighteen months.
I have been helping a lot of friends lately who are dealing with failed relationships, and I am reminded of how painful and confusing it is. I made it through some pretty dark days, and now enjoy a beautiful life. It is possible to move on and rebuild. How do we deal with endings? When you think about it, the ending of a relationship is so difficult to come to. It is never really clear it is over and it is hard to know when you have reached your limit. I know I exhausted myself trying to make it better, and deciding it was really over took years to determine.
For me, an important part of my healing process involved intentionally and actively designing my new life (not just filling in the blanks left behind).
I am a Vision Board believer—mine has been the most powerful tool towards realizing my dreams and achieving my authentic life. I host a Vision Board workshop, and you can join me for this fun and inspiring class, which I believe will totally transform the way you live. How you design your life and use your Vision Board directly impacts what you manifest, and I love sharing these techniques—they WORK!
For those of you going through a big life change (like a divorce), I know from experience how important it is to have a vision and a plan. Dream with your eyes open for a bigger life for yourself—one that represents your authentic self. It is not the end of the world, just the end of how you lived in this world, and now you will live differently. If you want to create a life you love and that loves you back, then you must conceive it, believe it, and receive it.
I did not get married with the intention of failing, and I do not see my marriage as a failure. We had a lot of successes, tried hard, and have an awesome little boy as a result of our friendship. Even though we parted ways, I want the very best for my ex-husband. It would cause me pain to see him suffer, and I would not want to see him unhappy. From time to time we still disagree on parenting choices, but my goal is always to do what is best for our son. Having a good relationship with his father is critical to his happiness.
This may sound odd, but I am a proud single mom and I truly feel empowered and unstoppable. I make informed decisions, and feel capable and completely comfortable in my skin. I was once voiceless and stuck in the shadows of my own life, but since I stepped out, life feels full of possibility again.
If you have made the painful choice to leave a failing relationship, take heart—there is life after and it can be a beautiful one.
Be well, Nicola